Week 31

This week has been fun. The baby moves all the time, I feel pretty good and everything is going well. I’m so glad that I get to report once a week that everything is on schedule and that everything is fine. I probably wouldn’t enjoy writing this if there was something negative to report. Even if I personally waffle and have concerns none of that affects the baby. He/she is doing very well.

We’re going to start the fall season this weekend. I love the fall. The weather gets a little cooler, the leaves begin to change color and the world becomes crisp. For me there always seems to be a little more clarity with this season. The haze of the summer is gone and you are not yet distracted by the bitterness of winter. I am very excited to have my first child in this season. Well, let’s be honest, I would be excited to have this baby during any season, but the fall is special for me. It reminds me of school and family; there was always a lot of anticipation for the holidays. I have so many positive memories of this season during my life and now I am looking forward to a truly new moment to begin. My life will never be the same. A little while ago, that seemed like a terribly daunting prospect. Today it feels refreshing. Today I am in awe of my new upcoming role. Today I am very pleased with my little spot in the world.

Today, I am also really looking forward to maternity leave! It almost feels like waiting for summer vacation to come when you are in school. Essentially, it’s April for me in my senior year of high school. I know what I have to do, but I can barely concentrate on the task at hand. And how much does my participation really matter at this point? The stock market/bond market has had its most volatile week in the 12 years that I have been doing this and there is nothing I can do to control it. I can help facilitate my customers’ trades but I have no idea how to really advise them under the current conditions. I don’t think anyone really does. My daily calls to my accounts have flip-flopped all week. I wish I had more insightful things to say about the current economic crisis but it is all a blur right now. There are so many moving parts to this thing right now that I’m suffering from economic whip-lash. I think I need a few maternity months to recover. J

Eric and I had a Dr.’s appointment yesterday. I have gained 18 pounds so far. I really have gained 17 ½ pounds, but I am trying to embrace the numbers as they get bigger, so I am rounding up. However, it has to be quite obvious to you that I am not completely comfortable with this if I am writing this little caveat. So, to you my lovely friends and family, I am sharing my unease with the weight numbers, but to everyone else I will put on a brave face and just round up. Let’s face it; I really haven’t hid anything else from you along this funny pregnancy journey. But 18 pound is right in line with what I should weigh now. They say you should gain between 25 and 35 pounds and from this point forward I should be gaining about 1 pound per week. So I should end up in the +25-30 pound weight category.

Now back to baby info. The baby should weigh around 3 pounds now and it measures approximately 11 inches from crown to rump. It can move its head, open its eyes and make breathing movements through its open nostrils although no air comes in. This baby also moves all the time. I love it and I think I’ll miss it a little once the baby is born. But then I’ll have the baby, so I probably won’t mind that much! Below are the weekly renderings.

Week 30

I think I have officially reached the stage where I am just about done being pregnant. My belly has changed so much in the last few days that I actually find it shocking. I had a belly button in Hawaii. And although it is still there a little bit, it is getting flatter by the hour. I can’t believe the speed in which my belly is changing. Now, I know that I have been pregnant for 30 weeks and it’s been changing the entire time, but this last week has seen some major changes. It is so much harder to the touch, it feels as if it can’t get any bigger, and I just feel huge. Even Eric said “Jeez Des, your belly is big”. To which I said it was not and to leave me alone! For some reason when he comments on my stomach I take it very personally. I know logically that he is only reacting to my belly but I can’t help hearing “fat, fat, fat”. I know I am not fat. In fact I was able to get my own jeans over my butt this week and wear them into work. Now they were unbuttoned and held together by a hair band, but they were on and looked good. And I felt good because they still “fit”.

I have also noticed some major changes in my breathing. It is much more labored and I am much slower when I walk. I can not walk and talk easily anymore. Shoot, I can’t sit and talk easily either. This can be very frustrating. Again, I know I have to be logical about this whole experience and recognize my new limitations but that doesn’t mean I have to like them. I really want my old body back. I want to be able to bend at the waist. I want to not let out an audible sigh or loud breath when I have to get out of bed, off the couch, pick up something from the floor, etc. It is getting a little ridiculous and to be honest, I do not have a sense of humor about it all.

But not everything is so gloomy. I do really love being pregnant at the same time. When I am able to look at my body with some perspective I really like how I look. I still love feeling the baby move. I think I must look silly with my hands on my stomach all the time but I just don’t want to miss a moment of possible movement inside or out. I’m still freaked out that in 10 weeks (maybe more, maybe less) I’m going to have a little baby that is all my own and is all my responsibility. I have not reconciled in my head how that works. My sisters never liked it when I tried to mother them. They still don’t like it when I do it. What happens if this kid feels like my sisters and what if I feel the same hurt and disappointment when I am rejected? Inevitably this will happen, but will it feel the same? Will it hurt more because this is my child? I am very nervous about that possibility. I suspect that the highs and lows will be more volatile and shocking then I can fathom at this point. But my own trepidation does not outweigh my excitement.

So far I have gained 14½ pounds, 5 pounds this last month! I am pleased with this so far. I feel so much larger. Carrying around an extra 15 pounds is a lot harder then I expected. It is all in front so my lower back is struggling to compensate for the weight, so it usually hurts a little by the end of the day. Eric has been very sweet. He rubs my back and feet if I’m a little uncomfortable. He’s been watching me like a hawk when it comes to me bending down and picking things up too. We were food shopping the other day (the 2nd time he has come with me since we starting living together 4 years ago) and yelled at me every time I went to grab something from the bottom shelf. It was cute and annoying at the same time. He wasn’t annoying, but realizing my limitations can be.

So here’s the important data. 78 days to go. The baby weighs about 2 pounds 12 oz and is about 10½ inches from crown to rump. It’s adding fat to insulate the body. It can take breaths now but obviously won’t breathe air until delivery. The baby’s growth has started to slow down now, but it will still gain approximately four pounds between now and the birth. Below are this weeks renderings.

Week 29

Last week Eric and I went to Hawaii for a last vacation hurrah before there are three of us. We had a wonderful time and it was nice to just get away and relax. We’ve both been so busy as of late that getting away seemed like the only way to actually have more then a 2 minute conversation that didn’t revolve around work, baby or the house. And we were so happy to meet up with my cousin that lives in Oahu. I haven’t seen Megan in forever and it was nice to have dinner with her while we were away. So all in all it was a great trip and I would highly recommend Hawaii to anyone that has never been there. It can be expensive, but there are definite ways to pinch a penny and still make it a glorious vacation.

Now back to baby news. Tomorrow I have my last monthly Doctors appointment. Now that I am 7 months along I will see the Dr. every 2 weeks. Tomorrow I will also have my glucose test to determine if I have gestational diabetes. I believe everything will come back normal, but between 4-7% of pregnant women develop this condition, which makes it the most widespread of all pregnancy ailments. However most of the time it is the easiest to control. Making good food choices and light exercise can help control your insulin production and keep the diabetes at bay. That’s good advice for everyone, pregnant or not, but something that I have been paying more attention to since I became pregnant.

I’ve been feeling really great recently. The heartburn is still out of this world horrible, but other then that I think everything is going very well. I still have slight swelling at the end of the night and I get tired rather quickly at times, but nothing I can’t control with some preplanning of my day. So there really isn’t much new to report, which I believe is a good thing. The only thing that I seem to be constantly experiencing is a little anxiety about becoming a mom. I think this is normal too, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t unsettling at times. I had a dream last night that I had twin girls that aged 13 years within seconds. This was completely normal to me. They had long hair and were very sweet. I told them because they were old enough they could choose which name they wanted of the ones that Eric and I picked. They chose and then I couldn’t remember the one girl’s names. I know it began with an A and I felt bad because I kept asking her what her name was. And she couldn’t remember either. I felt like an awful mom because I didn’t know them at all and then I couldn’t remember one of their names. This was not a good dream and I know it has to do with the stress I am feeling about this huge impending change.

But I am in my last trimester, so we only have a little while to go. I can’t believe I’m in the last leg of this pregnancy. I think I still am carrying tiny, which I am pleased about. Everyone seems to want me to be bigger then I am. But as long as the midwife says that I’m fine I’m not going to worry about it at all. I’ll talk to you all next week. There is only 1 pregnancy rendering this week.

Week 27

Hello again. I am now in my 27th week. Everything is still going well. The baby is moving like crazy and is constantly busy. I am excited about meeting this little one that is so active. Eric and I are doing a little remodeling of our downstairs in preparation for the baby. We had no real seating in our living room, so we just bought a sectional. And our TV console is a glorified wooden coffee table with wires all over the place. Obviously that is not good for a baby, so we bought a real TV console where were can hide all of the wires. Everything was delivered today and Eric set it all up and loves it. I can’t wait to see it when I get home this evening. Tomorrow my boss is kindly giving AND delivering to us the dresser that his daughter used when she was a baby, so that is one less thing that we will have to pick up. So, thank you Steve! J

All in all it was an uneventful pregnancy week. I still struggle with the idea of working after the baby is born. My mother was home with us while we were growing up and I believe that was one of the strongest influences in my life. There really is no substitute for having one on one daily contact with your child and the idea of sending my child to day care does not appeal to me in the least bit. However, losing my home appeals to me even less, so it’s off to work I go. I know there are great day cares out there, I am just very nervous about the entire thing. Thankfully we won’t have to put the baby in day care for the 1st 5 months or so. I am very happy about that.

Eric and I leave for Hawaii on Wednesday! We are so excited. We both need a break from the daily grind that is our lives at the moment. I am really looking forward to relaxing and getting some beach time. I am also lucky enough to have a cousin that lives on Oahu, so we will be able to see her as well! I have 2 ½ work days left but it feels like it’s going to last a month. So next Friday I will not be sending out an update as I hope to be enjoying the Hawaiian scenery.

This week the baby begins to open its eyes for the first time. The body may look fully formed on the outside but inside there is a lot of fine tuning happening. The lungs and brain apparently are the main focus. The baby’s weight is around 2 pounds and its length is about 9 inches from crown to rump. Below you will see this weeks rendering of mother and baby.

Week 26

Everything is going well and the belly is growing quickly. I have to say I am beginning to really like looking pregnant. I have been enjoying the pregnancy in other ways up until now. I love my hair (thank you pregnancy hormones for 1 nice thing), I love feeling the baby move, I love the guessing game that growing belly has started and I love that everyone is so excited about the new baby. But I wasn’t sure how I would feel about the belly on me. I know I have so much further to go and grow, but at this moment, right now, I love my belly. It’s round and firm; my chest balances it out (which is something I could never say before) and I feel very womanly.

I don’t know how else to explain it. I think if having a baby is something you want and choose to do then the experience is the absolute epitome of being a woman. Life is coming full circle. And the whole 6 ½ month experience I have had so far has been amazing. And I am not writing all of this to say that pregnancy is the end all be all of experiences, but it is unlike anything else I have ever done. It’s rather incredible to think that this baby was once 2 cells and is now nearly complete. My body knew instinctively what to do. My body is nurturing and protecting this baby before I can knowingly do any of the work. It’s not as if I can look into my uterus and say, “Ok nervous system, it’s time to start building your circuits.” I have to trust in my body to do all of the work. And I have to trust that this baby already knows what to do too. I don’t want to be too cavalier, but How Cool is That!

However, some things are not so cool. Swelling feet, the fatigue that is starting to crawl its way back into my into my daily routine, my breathing that has become more shallow, my ego that takes a beating every time I realize I can’t or shouldn’t do something, the constant heartburn, and a million other small things that have changed. My personal outlook on life has changed too. Not too dramatically. I’m not becoming a Republican or anything. But the realization that I will never come home after work and be by myself. I love the little quiet moments in my life. I’ve learned to cherish them and enjoy just sitting on my own. I’ve built my life so that I am very comfortable. I’ve worked very hard at it. Eric and I are very happy as we are right now. A baby is going to change that. I am looking forward to the change. I can not wait until this little baby arrives, but I think there is a bit of a mourning process that I am going to experience.

And I could be wrong about what I am about to state, but I believe it is true for me. If I had had a baby between 20-25 years old I don’t think I’d be as nervous about the change. I wouldn’t know what I would be missing or temporarily giving up. I think I wouldn’t know the difference. I think I would have accepted this major life change a little easier, with maybe the longing for what might have been. But I believe I know what might have been at this point in my life. I feel as if I have really come into my own in the last 5 years. I enjoy the woman I’ve become, and although I will still be me I will have to change with this baby too. I have to figure out what it means to me to be a mother, wife and woman and still feel fulfilled within each challenge. And right now, that means a lot of baby steps for me too. J

So what is to come in the next week? Well, the baby weighs about 1 ½ pounds and is about 9 inches from crown to rump. The lungs are developing rapidly, the nostrils are open and although s/he may need a little help, everything is there and ready to go in order to breathe. And apparently the baby can wiggle fingers and toes. How cute it that?! I have 106 days to go and counting. Below is the weekly picture rendering.

Week 25

I am in my 25th week and my belly is in full bloom. Everything is still going well which of course means there really isn’t much to report. Eric and I went for our monthly checkup on Monday and everything is right on schedule. The heartbeat moved from the 155 bpm to 140 something bpm in the month which I thought was a big move but the midwife said that because the baby has grown so much in the last month it is normal for the heartbeat to slow down. I think Eric was secretly very pleased because of the old wives tale that states the slower the heartbeat the more likely it is to be a boy. We mentioned that to the midwife and she said that it really is 50/50 right now whether it’s a boy or a girl, but if it were the last month the odds would probably be 60/40 a boy. However, she did mention that she has delivered plenty of girls with lower heartbeats and plenty of boys with fast ones. So, everything is still up in the air.

My belly has definitely popped (at least to me) in the last week. I’m still not big and it still doesn’t look like a nice round pregnant belly, but it is there and it is not going away. I’ve tried to suck my stomach in just to see what would happen. Nothing moves. It is solid and it just sits there. I think that’s kind of cool. I have no control on what my belly does. It is its own entity now, which this far along in the pregnancy makes complete sense. Eric and I were watching my belly move the other day. I love it when it jerks when the baby kicks. It’s pretty cool to watch.

I have to say that I am very excited to have my sister Janice back in town for a long weekend. I haven’t seen her in almost a year and I really wanted her to see me while I’m pregnant. She felt the baby kick yesterday so that was a lot of fun for us. It’s nice that she gets to enjoy some Aunt time with her niece/nephew, even if it’s still belly bound.

Also, Eric and I just booked a trip to Hawaii for the end of the month! I am so excited. We are heading to Oahu and Maui for 7 days. It will be nice to have a little getaway before the baby is born. As much as I would like to believe that we will still be able to travel when the baby is born, the truth is we will probably be house bound for a little while. So it should be very nice to have this last hurrah. I’ll be 7 months pregnant in Hawaii. I’m going to look killer in a bikini!

Week 19

This is how I am supposed to look this week. I’ve only gained 2 pounds so far into this pregnancy so this woman’s stomach is a little larger than mine. I think I tend to show more in the evening then I do during the day. I think my muscles get tired and therefore don’t hold me in as much in the evening. Who knows? I am in my 19th week, but I am 18.71 weeks pregnant if you can figure that one out. I am about a week away from beginning my 6th month. Crazy! I can’t believe I am just about halfway through.