Week 27

Hello all and Welcome to Post-Natal Week 27!

I remember while I was pregnant other women warning me of "Pregnancy Brain" which is basically being forgetful. My birth class teacher actually said that it can effect women after they have a baby for as long as a year. I scoffed at this idea, thinking I was one of the lucky ones that wasn't afflicted with this annoying byproduct of growing another human.

I was wrong.

Forgetfulness is now something I deal with on a daily basis and it is driving me a little insane. Unfortunately I notice it most often at work. It usually surfaces as I am changing activities. I will forget what it was that I was supposed to do. It also happens when I have an "Aha!" moment, I smile to myself about that thought, and then it is quickly forgotten in a matter of a few more moments; sometimes never to be re-thought again. I have taken to writing lists to remind myself of things I wanted to accomplish during the day. This is not something I like to admit or like to do. There have been many times when I come up with a cute little anecdote that I want to mention to all of you but it leaves my mind by the time I get to write something down. Do you know how many times that has happened? Well, me neither, but it's all the time I can tell you that! My theory about the post-pregnancy brain is lack of sleep. I haven't done any research (read: Google) but I'm sure that lack of sleep has to be the real culprit. I know some professional probably mentions hormone imbalance too, but I really think my forgetfulness is linked to Estella just insisting on eating at 2:30 every morning... and then possibly a few more times. How dare she! :-)

Changing Estella's diaper, obviously something we do quite often. She doesn't mind at all. I try to engage her whenever we have a diaper change experience. I usually do a quick, sing-song thing and say "Naked Baby" in a high pitched voice. She really likes this and it makes her laugh, which in turn makes me smile and laugh. So earlier this week I was changing her diaper on my bed, which is something I do every morning because she sleeps in our room. We were doing the whole "Naked Baby" thing as a distraction when switching diapers. In the middle of the change she just lets loose and wets the bed like no ones business. I usually wait a little while in the morning before I change her diaper because I want her to have the time she needs to release the overnight wave. Apparently I didn't wait long enough this particular morning. Well, I'm loudly suggesting to Eric that he get off the bed because she has peed all over and because it is so early in the morning it seems to take an entire 5 seconds for him to comprehend exactly what I am saying. Because I haven't even finished fully changing her, I only covered her up in an attempt to save my sheets and mattress, she is put safely on the floor while Eric and I try to quickly take the sheets off the bed and dry the mattress. I don't have any Borax in the house so I put some powder over the wet area in a hope that it will draw the moisture away from my mattress. Estella is just babbling to herself during this whole process. I stand up to find that my pajama bottoms are soaked. Oh well. The sheets needed to be changed anyway.

Estella is growing up so fast, even though she is only 27 weeks. It's amazing the difference in her face and body, her attention span and knowledge. I can see her learning. I know when she finally "gets it". Small stuff now, but it's all building toward more complicated and intricate skills. I just love watching it. I love watching her. This week I went through some of the updates that I wrote when I was pregnant. There was such insecurity in many of those ramblings. It was insecurity that fueled my feelings of nervousness and selfishness. I was scared of giving up my old pre-baby life. What I didn't realize was what I was going to gain. It's easy to say the words "baby" and think that it holds some real weight. I held other babies, loved other babies, swooned over other babies but I never felt that mother-child bond before. Completely intangible, ridiculously difficult to explain to someone that doesn't have a child, but there nonetheless. That bond made my selfishness concerns go away immediately. I completely forgot about them until I re-read how I was feeling while pregnant. It seems so petty now, but those concerns were real at the time. I remember them now. But that lovely post-baby forgetfulness helped me there. I guess it's not always such a negative thing.

That's about all for this week. Estella has her Dr.'s appointment on Monday. I am not looking forward to the shots, but I can't wait to see how much she weighs and how long she is. This is very exciting to me. She seems to have gained weight nicely the last 2 months I wouldn't be surprised if she is over 15 pounds. We'll see.

Love to you all,

Desiree

Week 26

Hello all and welcome to Post Natal Week 26!

To be accurate, Estella is 25 weeks and 5 days old. To be even more precise, she turns 6 MONTHS OLD TOMORROW! I can't believe that! To me that is absolutely crazy. It has been the quickest 6 months of my life.

Estella has become such a fun baby. She was always fun, but at this point in her life she is genuinely happy 95% of the time she is awake. She only fusses or complains when she is hungry or tired. That's it. She smiles all the time. All the time, except for when you have a camera near her. For some reason it is extremely difficult to capture her young, toothless smile on film. However, with how often we take photos of her we have managed to preserve a few smiles.

So here are some cool new happenings with the little girl.
1. She can sit up by herself. Now she has been sitting up with props for quite a while. And this last month or so she had been threatening to do it all by herself. But last weekend it was like a switch was flipped and now she can do it. Mom and Dad were (and are) so proud.
2. She is a little bit of an inchworm. She isn't crawling yet, but she pushes her butt up high and then uses her feet to propel her forward. Very cute. But I know this will only happen for a short period of time. She will be crawling soon.
3. She is still very tiny in comparison to other babies her age. I'd say that at 6 months she is between 13 and 14 pounds. I won't know for certain until June 1st when she goes for her next Doctor's appointment. By then she will probably be over 14 pounds.
4. She loves going to her daycare. The ladies there take such good care of her. However she has recently taken to crying when I leave. This breaks my heart but makes me feel good all at the same time. I have a feeling this won't be the last time I have conflicting feelings in regards Estella.
5. Speaking of the daycare, they keep the children there very engaged, which I love. I now have 3 original Estella Salera-Okdeh pieces of art. Finger paintings, but everyone needs to start somewhere. They are hanging on my fridge. They also took Estella's first "school" photos. Ha! They are cute, with the pull down backdrops that feature giant crayons. A total racket for the price they charge, but it is her first, so of course we bought them.
6. Estella is still a great sleeper, but she has changed her sleeping pattern a little, which makes it equally less and more difficult for me. She falls asleep, without fail, by 8-8:10pm every night. That's easy. I get the rest of the night to relax and hang out with Eric. Nice. She sleeps soundly until 2:30 or so when she gets up to nurse. So that is 6+ hours. Not so bad. But after that it's a crapshoot what she will do. Does she get up every hour until I have to get up to nurse? Does she only get up one more time? Or my favorite, she then falls asleep for the rest of the night? I never know so I can not really prepare. I really don't want to fall asleep at 8pm with her. I do have things I have to do and I want to enjoy some time with my husband. But I also can't function well if I get 3 solid hours of sleep a night with the rest of it being interrupted. Eric really can't help too easily as he does not have the breasts that are required to nurse the baby. So it falls on me. I'm not really complaining, I'm just tired.
7. I recently had to pack away some the clothes she has outgrown. She still fits nicely into her 3 month clothing, but is mostly in 3-6 months right now. So all of the newborn stuff and winter stuff had to be packed away. I didn't expect to feel anything while packing the clothing away, but I was a little sad. She's still so tiny and she is still a baby (my baby) but she isn't that tiny anymore. Again, I am shocked to say she is 6 months.

So I'm sorry there haven't been many updates as of late. I really enjoy writing them, I just have difficulty finding the time. I have just been loving the time with my family. My little 3 person family that is so beautiful. This is the best time of my life so far. What is truly nice about stating that is I have been able to make that statement for as long as I can remember as an adult. Life is good and it keeps getting better and I don't want to be anywhere else then where I am right now. I'm trying to soak it all in while this lasts because I know that it will all move by so swiftly. Most of you know I have a tendency to look and plan for the future and not live in the moment. I have noticed this a number of times regarding Estella. I have to convince myself to knock it off. Yes, plan for the future. No to looking at her and thinking about the day she leaves for school or something, anything else. It happens often enough to bother me. It happens often enough so that it crowds and clouds my thoughts. I can't be upset, sad or frightened about a moment that hasn't happened yet although I know is coming. There is no sense in that yet it still hurts my heart. So I feverishly fight to live in the moment. It's hard for me, but I think I am getting better at it. Ask me again in a week and the answer may be different.

I hope that this message finds everyone well. It is my intention to start doing this update a little more frequently but please do not hold it against me if you look in your mailbox next week and you don't have a message. I will eventually send one out.

Love to you all,

Desiree