Week 46

Hello all and Welcome to Post-Natal Week 46,

So Estella walked by herself for the first time on October 6th! I had just finished feeding her at the daycare and she was playing with me and Marta, one on the lovely ladies that watches her. We were trying to get her to walk between us. At first she had no interest at all. But once we held up an ice tea bottle (I don't know why this worked, we tried toys first) she started walking. She took 5-6 steps between me and Marta a few times. It was great and so much fun. I was very proud. Later that evening Eric and I were able to do it again, but this time we used water in her cup as a motivator. It is very exciting and scary all at the same time. She doesn't want to do it all the time, it is still faster for her to crawl everywhere. Plus, I don't think she has much confidence walking on her own without holding on to anything. Estella does love it when I hold her hands and she can walk. And walk may not even be the right word for those moments because she really is trying to run when she holds my hands. She laughs and has her mouth open as if she is trying to catch the wind. It's very funny.

I admire her fearlessness. I'm slightly envious of her youth in that manner. There is something very beautiful in not knowing and just going, doing and being. All of the first, second and third times before you realize the effects of your actions. No awareness of the future a few seconds from now, just truly being in the moment. I know we all still have some moments like that in life, but really the not knowing as an adult isn't usually a positive experience. It's completely different for a baby and young children, and that is wonderful. It's why words like impossible don't make sense to children, and why should it?

`I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. `When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.' -Lewis Carroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass

I know she won't be like this forever, but I am truly enjoying her right now.

Not much to report this week. Walking is a big moment all by itself. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! The photo this week was taken by my mother's phone.

Love,
Desiree

Week 45

Hello all and Welcome to Post-Natal Week 45.

Well, she'll be 45 weeks old this Sunday. She is 313 days old today. 10 1/2 months. It's a wonderful thing.

It's been a little while since my last update. I'm sorry about that but it has been very busy the last month. So she went for her 9 month visit 9/4/09. At that time she was 17 lbs 10 ozs and 27 inches long. This keeps her in the 25th% for both height and weight. Her head is another matter. I don't remember the measurement but it is in the 90th%. She has a big noggin. Perfectly fine with me. Head size has nothing to do with brain power, but for some reason it makes me feel good.

However, the problem with a big head on a tiny body becomes clear as you watch your baby try to walk. Estella has been cruising (walking while holding onto stationary objects) for 2 months now. She does this very well and is at times shockingly fast. She also balances herself extremely well and can stand without holding onto anything for long periods of time. Estella has also taken a number of independent steps in the last 2 months, although nothing that anyone would describe as walking. Just a few steps. Recently she has become a bit of a daredevil. Three weeks ago she was cruising along a table in the daycare and moved onto a tiny kindergartener sized chair. She then decided to try to walk away, but didn't realize that she would need to let go of the chair to get to where she wanted to go. So she lost her balance, fell backwards, hit her head on the floor, and because she never let go of the chair even when falling, pulled the chair onto her face giving her a big bruise going across the bridge of her nose in between her eyes. I thought she was going to have 2 black eyes later that day. A few days later she was playing with some stackable cups. She stood next to them, pushed them over, and then toppled along with them and landed face first on the round cup, giving her a nice bruise on the cheek. Eric was sitting right next to her and couldn't stop it from happening. It was just too fast. And then yesterday she was walking along the baby bookcase at the daycare. Apparently she stumbled and fell into the bookcase hitting her cheek which then bruised very quickly. This was 5 minutes before I walked in to feed her. I could tell that she had finished crying when I came in. However, she wanted to go through the whole story with me. I sat down to hug and feed her. She looked up at me and started telling me her story, very angrily to boot. She would look at the me, say some things, look at the bookcase, say something else and then look at me again. When she was finished her story she looked up at me and started to cry. I felt so bad for her, but this was the first time that I was aware of the exact story she was trying to tell. It was very cute. The ladies that watch her were laughing because she was so vocal and focused on what she was telling me.

Estella is a little chatterbox. A lot of babies her age babble and say a few words. Estella talks. I may not understand all of what she says but she makes it very clear that she is trying to get her feelings across and that she is very serious about what she is saying. She points at things, says yes when we understand her and then continues to tell her story. She is just a lively, warm, purely happy baby. I'm sure all mothers feel this way, but I am very lucky and blessed to have her in my life.

This weekend Eric and I are leaving Estella overnight with my parents for the first time. We are going to visit 2 friends that are working together on a show. I am very excited to see them and the show but I am very nervous about leaving Estella. I know she will be fine and my parents are so excited for some extra Estella time, but I fear that I may not enjoy this time away as much as I should. We will be away for less than 24 hours and yet I dread not being there with her. And there is a part of me that feels guilty about having her stay with someone else because she is away at daycare all week while I work. I should be there for her full time during the weekend. I will get over this feeling I am sure, but right now my emotions are definitely split between the excitement of seeing friends that I miss and missing my daughter while I see these friends. Vicious little circle.

So that's about all. I will try to send another update next week. Until then, enjoy the lovely fall weather and have a wonderful week.

Love to you all,

Desiree

P.S. If you look at the photo you will be able to see the bruise between her eyes from where the chair hit her. And also, what it on the TV?!

Week 40

Hello all and Welcome to Post-Natal Week 40

Well everyone, the past few weeks have been extremely busy. Estella is a moving machine! I thoroughly enjoy playing with her when she is crawling and walking all over the floor. She prefers to be standing and walking around the couch and ottomans that we have, but crawling is just fine in a pinch. We've been playing a game where she crawls away from me and I crawl up behind her and give her a tickle. It's one of our favorites! She laughs and laughs, it's just great. Eric and Estella have started going to the playground without me the last few weeks. It gives them some much needed Daddy/Daughter time. Estella becomes so attached to me after we get home during the week that it is difficult to easily get her to go to Eric. Going to the playground has definitely helped that issue. And she loves the swing! Eric says she laughs and smiles the entire time.

So an interesting (to me, probably not so interesting to you all) moment passed this week. On Tuesday, August 25, Estella was 39 weeks and 2 days old. That is the exact length of time that she was in the womb when she was born, 39 weeks and 2 days. This was special to me and I wanted to make a note of it. A total of 550 days. I think that's pretty cool.

Something else that struck me the last few weeks was how someone's birth story (whether their own or one they've experienced) stays with them at all times. Now I have written at length about my own personal thoughts and feelings concerning my pregnancy, labor and motherhood. These topics are "of the moment" and important to me and I am sure to other people as well. (Probably not MY personal experiences, their experiences, but you know what I'm getting to) However, I was caught off guard last week when another woman in passing mentioned her son being born 2 months early. We weren't speaking about premature babies, birth stories or anything of the sort. She had just introduced me to her 13 year old daughter. I asked if she had any other children. She said, "I have a 12 year old son, he was 2 months early, but he is fine now". Amazing. Because when she made that statement it was clear to me that although he is now 12 she was transported to his birth and all of those emotions and thoughts. It was quick and if I wasn't paying attention I may not have noticed, but there was this very raw look that flashed over her face for just a moment and then it was gone. She could have easily just said to me that she has a son, but she added the part where he was born premature. It is an integral part of her story and had to be mentioned with just the fact of him.

I have recently begun taking yoga classes. I love them and I am very excited to go again tomorrow morning. For those of you that have never done a yoga, at the end of the class there is a period of time that is used for meditation and relaxation/reflection. It's funny the things that run through your head when you are trying to clear it of everything. Estella's birth has been floating through my head. My water breaking, contractions, going through transisition. I never get to the moment of her birth. The goal is to keep the mind clear so I keep trying to push these images away but they continue to pop up. Even though I am just about 40 weeks past her birth it is the first thing that my mind goes to during meditation. All the milestones she, we, have made in the past 9 months are important, but her birth is the singular game changer. And like the woman that told me about her premature son, Estella's birth stays with me and it is just the fact of her that I come back to in my relaxed, (supposedly) clear of thought state.

Estella is teething again. She is fine during the day but when it's bedtime it is quite obvious she is in pain. I feel so bad. I do everything I can think of to help her through this, but the teeth just have to come through. Once that happens she will be able to sleep again, her nose will stop running and Mommy might get to sleep through the night too. Hopefully we will see the teeth in a few days.

I hope all of you are doing well. Happy Birthday Aunt Alice and Tiffanie! Have a wonderful weekend!

Love to you all,
Desiree

Week 38

Hello all and Welcome to Port-Natal Week 38

In the course of a weekend Estella went from crawling to standing to wanting the walk on her own. Three days later she took her first step. Thank goodness she hasn't been able to master the walking yet. However we all know it is only a matter of time. My once spacious house now feels like a gauntlet of hurt and destruction when I think of Estella navigating herself through the obstacles. My glass coffee table (with the curved edges and is protected in some IKEA plastimetal) is now a danger to which Estella in inextricably drawn. I just envision her banging her hands and toys on the table and it just shatters into hundreds of glass shards. Obviously the glass table is no longer in my living room.

I crawl on the floor with Estella and I am constantly finding things that have fallen to the floor that can be picked up and easily swallowed by a curious 8 month old. It is amazing to me how often I am taking small objects off the floor. Just last night I noticed the small bell from my cat’s collar had come off and would be keenly lying in her eyesight had she just turned around a little bit. I was so glad that I saw it first. And Eric always has coins falling out of his pocket. I find them on the couch and floor on a nearly daily basis. I think I am going to put a jug by the front door so that he has to empty his pockets of all coins before he gets to comfortable on the couch. We’ll see it that actually works out.

This weekend we are taking Estella to the beach for the first time. It’s only for the day and I have no idea how well it is going to go. I’m slightly nervous about driving all the way there to find out that Estella is very unhappy in the sun, sand and ocean. Maybe we should hedge our bets and go to a beach that has a boardwalk with rides. We can find some baby rides for her. She’ll probably have a great time and I’m worrying for nothing. She’s a very happy baby 95% of the time so the odds are on my side that it’ll be a good day. And Eric is just itching to get to the beach so he’ll be happy as a clam.

I hope everyone is enjoying the summer and I hope to see all of you soon. Thank you for indulging my need to gush about my daughter in these updates!

Love to you all,

Desiree

Week 37

Hello all and Welcome to Post-Natal Week 37

It has been a very fine and exciting week in Estella's world. If you recall, last week I mentioned that she had begun "crawling". Well this week she is CRAWLING. Both knees on the ground. Both legs moving with the arms to scoot across the floor. It's so cute to watch and very scary to think about. She's not moving with much speed yet but give her a week. And when she gets to her destination she immediately pulls up to a standing position holding onto whatever her little hands can find. Thank goodness she is easy to follow now. We don't allow her to pull up on much. She is also getting used to hearing the word "No" when I have to tell her that she can not use the cat, laundry basket, glass table or Daddy's computer to get to a standing position. Estella has also begun testing her strength when she tries to stand (all by herself) from a crawling position. And when she does STAND she becomes a bit of a daredevil and tries to let go and balance on her own. I'm glad that Estella didn't go from rolling over and sitting straight to walking but I have a funny feeling we are go to have a very short stay in the world of crawling.

This week Estella also managed to sit up by herself. Development is kind of funny. I would think that if a baby has learned to crawl (or at the very least to get into a crawling position) that said baby would be able to sit up on its own. Well Estella has been sitting on her own for nearly 3 months. She was able to hold a sitting position at 5 months and 3 weeks however, she has not been able to get into the sitting position by herself until this week. And she did it in Harry Houdini style.

Eric and I were getting ready for work on Tuesday. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and I think Eric was getting dressed. Estella was on her belly, on the floor, playing with some toys. I look at her from the bathroom and smile at her. She smiles back. I brush my teeth for 10-15 seconds more. I look back at her and she is sitting up with her back against the wall. I was shocked and excited all at the same time. Eric didn't see her little quick move either. And as far as I can tell she hasn't done it since, but we know she can. It's all very new and exciting for her and us.

So this past week my company has offered cash incentive for us all to get into shape. I have lost all the weight from my pregnancy but my body is now a completely different shape. I can no longer fit into pants that last year I had no problem shimmying into. It's not that my hips are wider or that my butt is bigger. It's the belly. The skin around the belly just isn't the same. Now Estella is almost 9 months old and I want to fit into my clothes this fall and winter. I think I will need to lose about 10 pounds and tighten that abdomen just to fit nicely into my old jeans. I'm still wearing a size larger then I want to and that has to change. So I have jumped on board with my company's fitness program and I plan to be bikini ready by November, Ha!

That's all for this week. We'll talk soon.

Love to you all,

Desiree

Week 36

Hello all and Welcome to Post-Natal Week 36,

Estella is now 8 months old. She will officially be 36 weeks on Sunday, 252 days old. Time flies! I started doing these updates a year ago when I was 20+ weeks pregnant. She is now just a wonderful little girl that makes my day, every day. 250 days young today.

So, there are some new developments in my lovely little girl. First, she has two new bottom teeth. I would say they first cut through about 3 weeks ago. I am so happy that they finally broke through so that she can sleep better now. Also, she has begun to "crawl". Well first she started twirling to get to where she needed to go. This is still her preferred mode of travel. She sits on her duff and just spins around to move across the floor. When you can get her to go on her belly in a crawling position she eventually just ends up on the floor pulling forward with her arms and using her feet as flippers. I think it's very cute and funny. Eric and I bought a very large area rug for our living and dining rooms so that when Estella is practicing her crawling she isn't doing it on the hardwood floors. It's also easier on mom's knees too, as I often find myself on the floor with her. Last weekend she mastered the Mamamamamama syllables and the next day she said Dadadadadada. Very cool. This past Tuesday when I picked her up from daycare she looked at me put her arms up and said "Mama!". I was so excited. It wasn't a continued babbling like she normally does with her syllables, but a pointed "Mama". How fabulous is that?! Then on Wednesday while she was in the daycare she pulled herself up into a standing position from a sitting one all by herself. The wonderful women that take care of her said they found her standing next to the other babies. She was very proud of herself for a few minutes and then started to fret because she couldn't figure out what she was supposed to do next and didn't think about just sitting down. Now she has pulled herself up on me for a long time and I usually give her a slight assist by moving my hands as she is trying to stand. This was the first time she did it all be herself. I am so proud!

Everything is going well on the family end too. I am still breastfeeding, although she is eating baby food as well. Between pumping and feeding it is still 6+ times a day. It's a commitment, and I hate pumping, but it is something that I will continue to do for a while longer. I would like to get to a year with the breastfeeding. It's still the best thing for her and I believe that it is one of the reasons she's been a healthy baby. This is not saying that she hasn't caught a cold from the daycare, but she hasn't been bothered by ear infections or anything too long term. Eric is working on some beautiful projects this summer. You should be able to check them out soon on his website http://www.ericokdeh.com .

Updates on Estella Likes and Dislikes: Top 5

Likes: 5. Taking walks in the stroller, 4. Being thrown in the air by Daddy (to Mommy's dismay), 3. Petting (hitting really) the cats, 2. Her toys. This week Glo-Worm is her favorite 1. Tickles and Laughs with Mommy and Daddy
Dislikes: 5. Getting her clothing changed, 4. Any delay in feeding, 3. Being put down for a nap when she isn't ready, 2.Teething, 1. Not being next to Mommy once we get home from work/daycare. She screams when I pass her along to her Daddy. We are dealing with a little bit of separation anxiety.


This is about all for now. I don't have much to report in terms of weight and height. I would guess she is around 16 pounds. I won't know for certain until her next dr appointment on September 4 when she goes for her 9 month checkup. However I do want to say "Hello!" to all the lovely little babies that have been born since I last wrote to you all. It's been a very active 7 weeks or so in my family and social circle! 4 new Mommies and Daddies with 5 Brand new babies! So wonderful. So congratulations to Sarah and Jorge, Jill and Danny, Julie and Mike for their little girls Mia, Julia, Mackenzie and Jocelyn (twins!), respectively, and to Michele and Jay for their strong little boy Jude. I am so excited for you all, and I am also very pleased that Estella is going to have such wonderful friends as she grows up!

Attached you will find a picture of her at 8 months.

Love to you all,
Desiree

Week 27

Hello all and Welcome to Post-Natal Week 27!

I remember while I was pregnant other women warning me of "Pregnancy Brain" which is basically being forgetful. My birth class teacher actually said that it can effect women after they have a baby for as long as a year. I scoffed at this idea, thinking I was one of the lucky ones that wasn't afflicted with this annoying byproduct of growing another human.

I was wrong.

Forgetfulness is now something I deal with on a daily basis and it is driving me a little insane. Unfortunately I notice it most often at work. It usually surfaces as I am changing activities. I will forget what it was that I was supposed to do. It also happens when I have an "Aha!" moment, I smile to myself about that thought, and then it is quickly forgotten in a matter of a few more moments; sometimes never to be re-thought again. I have taken to writing lists to remind myself of things I wanted to accomplish during the day. This is not something I like to admit or like to do. There have been many times when I come up with a cute little anecdote that I want to mention to all of you but it leaves my mind by the time I get to write something down. Do you know how many times that has happened? Well, me neither, but it's all the time I can tell you that! My theory about the post-pregnancy brain is lack of sleep. I haven't done any research (read: Google) but I'm sure that lack of sleep has to be the real culprit. I know some professional probably mentions hormone imbalance too, but I really think my forgetfulness is linked to Estella just insisting on eating at 2:30 every morning... and then possibly a few more times. How dare she! :-)

Changing Estella's diaper, obviously something we do quite often. She doesn't mind at all. I try to engage her whenever we have a diaper change experience. I usually do a quick, sing-song thing and say "Naked Baby" in a high pitched voice. She really likes this and it makes her laugh, which in turn makes me smile and laugh. So earlier this week I was changing her diaper on my bed, which is something I do every morning because she sleeps in our room. We were doing the whole "Naked Baby" thing as a distraction when switching diapers. In the middle of the change she just lets loose and wets the bed like no ones business. I usually wait a little while in the morning before I change her diaper because I want her to have the time she needs to release the overnight wave. Apparently I didn't wait long enough this particular morning. Well, I'm loudly suggesting to Eric that he get off the bed because she has peed all over and because it is so early in the morning it seems to take an entire 5 seconds for him to comprehend exactly what I am saying. Because I haven't even finished fully changing her, I only covered her up in an attempt to save my sheets and mattress, she is put safely on the floor while Eric and I try to quickly take the sheets off the bed and dry the mattress. I don't have any Borax in the house so I put some powder over the wet area in a hope that it will draw the moisture away from my mattress. Estella is just babbling to herself during this whole process. I stand up to find that my pajama bottoms are soaked. Oh well. The sheets needed to be changed anyway.

Estella is growing up so fast, even though she is only 27 weeks. It's amazing the difference in her face and body, her attention span and knowledge. I can see her learning. I know when she finally "gets it". Small stuff now, but it's all building toward more complicated and intricate skills. I just love watching it. I love watching her. This week I went through some of the updates that I wrote when I was pregnant. There was such insecurity in many of those ramblings. It was insecurity that fueled my feelings of nervousness and selfishness. I was scared of giving up my old pre-baby life. What I didn't realize was what I was going to gain. It's easy to say the words "baby" and think that it holds some real weight. I held other babies, loved other babies, swooned over other babies but I never felt that mother-child bond before. Completely intangible, ridiculously difficult to explain to someone that doesn't have a child, but there nonetheless. That bond made my selfishness concerns go away immediately. I completely forgot about them until I re-read how I was feeling while pregnant. It seems so petty now, but those concerns were real at the time. I remember them now. But that lovely post-baby forgetfulness helped me there. I guess it's not always such a negative thing.

That's about all for this week. Estella has her Dr.'s appointment on Monday. I am not looking forward to the shots, but I can't wait to see how much she weighs and how long she is. This is very exciting to me. She seems to have gained weight nicely the last 2 months I wouldn't be surprised if she is over 15 pounds. We'll see.

Love to you all,

Desiree

Week 26

Hello all and welcome to Post Natal Week 26!

To be accurate, Estella is 25 weeks and 5 days old. To be even more precise, she turns 6 MONTHS OLD TOMORROW! I can't believe that! To me that is absolutely crazy. It has been the quickest 6 months of my life.

Estella has become such a fun baby. She was always fun, but at this point in her life she is genuinely happy 95% of the time she is awake. She only fusses or complains when she is hungry or tired. That's it. She smiles all the time. All the time, except for when you have a camera near her. For some reason it is extremely difficult to capture her young, toothless smile on film. However, with how often we take photos of her we have managed to preserve a few smiles.

So here are some cool new happenings with the little girl.
1. She can sit up by herself. Now she has been sitting up with props for quite a while. And this last month or so she had been threatening to do it all by herself. But last weekend it was like a switch was flipped and now she can do it. Mom and Dad were (and are) so proud.
2. She is a little bit of an inchworm. She isn't crawling yet, but she pushes her butt up high and then uses her feet to propel her forward. Very cute. But I know this will only happen for a short period of time. She will be crawling soon.
3. She is still very tiny in comparison to other babies her age. I'd say that at 6 months she is between 13 and 14 pounds. I won't know for certain until June 1st when she goes for her next Doctor's appointment. By then she will probably be over 14 pounds.
4. She loves going to her daycare. The ladies there take such good care of her. However she has recently taken to crying when I leave. This breaks my heart but makes me feel good all at the same time. I have a feeling this won't be the last time I have conflicting feelings in regards Estella.
5. Speaking of the daycare, they keep the children there very engaged, which I love. I now have 3 original Estella Salera-Okdeh pieces of art. Finger paintings, but everyone needs to start somewhere. They are hanging on my fridge. They also took Estella's first "school" photos. Ha! They are cute, with the pull down backdrops that feature giant crayons. A total racket for the price they charge, but it is her first, so of course we bought them.
6. Estella is still a great sleeper, but she has changed her sleeping pattern a little, which makes it equally less and more difficult for me. She falls asleep, without fail, by 8-8:10pm every night. That's easy. I get the rest of the night to relax and hang out with Eric. Nice. She sleeps soundly until 2:30 or so when she gets up to nurse. So that is 6+ hours. Not so bad. But after that it's a crapshoot what she will do. Does she get up every hour until I have to get up to nurse? Does she only get up one more time? Or my favorite, she then falls asleep for the rest of the night? I never know so I can not really prepare. I really don't want to fall asleep at 8pm with her. I do have things I have to do and I want to enjoy some time with my husband. But I also can't function well if I get 3 solid hours of sleep a night with the rest of it being interrupted. Eric really can't help too easily as he does not have the breasts that are required to nurse the baby. So it falls on me. I'm not really complaining, I'm just tired.
7. I recently had to pack away some the clothes she has outgrown. She still fits nicely into her 3 month clothing, but is mostly in 3-6 months right now. So all of the newborn stuff and winter stuff had to be packed away. I didn't expect to feel anything while packing the clothing away, but I was a little sad. She's still so tiny and she is still a baby (my baby) but she isn't that tiny anymore. Again, I am shocked to say she is 6 months.

So I'm sorry there haven't been many updates as of late. I really enjoy writing them, I just have difficulty finding the time. I have just been loving the time with my family. My little 3 person family that is so beautiful. This is the best time of my life so far. What is truly nice about stating that is I have been able to make that statement for as long as I can remember as an adult. Life is good and it keeps getting better and I don't want to be anywhere else then where I am right now. I'm trying to soak it all in while this lasts because I know that it will all move by so swiftly. Most of you know I have a tendency to look and plan for the future and not live in the moment. I have noticed this a number of times regarding Estella. I have to convince myself to knock it off. Yes, plan for the future. No to looking at her and thinking about the day she leaves for school or something, anything else. It happens often enough to bother me. It happens often enough so that it crowds and clouds my thoughts. I can't be upset, sad or frightened about a moment that hasn't happened yet although I know is coming. There is no sense in that yet it still hurts my heart. So I feverishly fight to live in the moment. It's hard for me, but I think I am getting better at it. Ask me again in a week and the answer may be different.

I hope that this message finds everyone well. It is my intention to start doing this update a little more frequently but please do not hold it against me if you look in your mailbox next week and you don't have a message. I will eventually send one out.

Love to you all,

Desiree

Week 17

Hello and Welcome to Post-Natal Week 17.

She is officially 4 months old now. Although in this photo she is about 2-3 weeks old. It's one of my favorite photos because it has such personality. And her personality just shines through and grows stronger every day. It's rather cool that someone as young as Estella is and without so many of the verbal and non-verbal communication techniques that most of us use on a daily basis can be so expressive, full of thought and feeling. She is a wonderfully happy baby. Her smiles are huge and she is generous with them. She smiles with her whole face. Her eyes just glow. But of course, I am her mother. I am proud that she is so happy. It's nothing that I have done. We just make sure she is safe, warm, fed and loved. It's her choice to share her happiness. Some babies are very stoic and silent. Some babies cry and whimper no matter the situation. Estella likes to join in the party. She wants to know what is going on at all times and tries to be a part of it all. She loves to babble, especially when we are singing together. Although this week she seems more focused on growing her motor skills then practicing her talking. She fed herself with a bottle this past Monday. I was shocked. Eric was feeding her in her bouncy seat and she had a grip on her bottle. He had to get some paperwork for me and decided to see how she would do on her own with the bottle. He let go and she continued to hold it and finished the bottle on her own! My little over-achiever! How great is that? I have no idea how old babies are when they first hold bottles on their own with any consistency, but I know I'm amazed any time she does something new. But all of this is new to me, and that's the most wonderful thing.

Here are some of Estella's likes and dislikes:

Likes: Shower time
Singing her ABC's, Row Row Row Your Boat and Henry the VIIIth
Being naked
Playing with her musical pigs and bunnies
The ladies at the daycare that take very good care of her
Cab rides home from the daycare
Smiling to funny phrases
Standing with Mommy and Daddy
Eating and Sleeping
Reaching for our cats
Hanging out with the family

Dislikes: Bath time
Mommy and Daddy on their computer
Getting dressed and undressed
Sitting in her car seat
Being removed from the milk fountain
Stuffy noses

This week we go to the Doctor for her 4 month exam. She will get some shots (boo!) and she will get all of the vitals taken. I am hoping she is around 11.5 pounds. She may be more, I don't know. She has been eating rice cereal for 3 full weeks and bananas for 2 weeks. She is doing very well with them. I do not want her on formula at all and she is old enough to start introducing some baby foods. I use the rice cereal in my breast milk for the daycare and she gets 1 jar of bananas per day during the week. For the weekends she is completely breast feed. So she could be more than 11.5 pounds. It's been 2 months since we've seen the doctor so we'll see what he says about her growth.

We are in the middle of our very busy 2 weeks. Janice and Frank are now back in Philadelphia for their wedding next Saturday. They arrived this morning and I can not wait to see them tonight! We are going to have a such a great time with them. Eric and I had our birthdays this week. I through Eric a surprise party last Saturday night, which I am sad to say wasn't much of a surprise, but it was fun just the same. We went to my parents house and had cake and ice cream for my birthday. Tomorrow my mom and I pick up our dresses for the wedding and we will get our hair cut and colored. I can not wait to get my hair done! Then it's full speed ahead for the wedding on Saturday. Woot Woot!

That's about all for this week. I will let you all know Estella's stats next week. And as a reminder you can all read or share these emails be referencing my website http://desireesbabyupdates.blogspot.com/ .Until next time, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Love to you all,
Desiree

Week 16

Hello all and Welcome to Post-Natal Week 16

Estella will be 4 months officially on Monday. I'm excited that she is growing up however 4 months sounds so much older to me then 3 months, and I just want her to stay a baby. Obviously she is still a baby at 4 months too, but she is so much bigger and smarter every day that sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Eric was saying to me that he likes to talk to her as if she has his intelligence level. I do the same thing. We are not parents that use baby talk to communicate. We don't shorten or make up words. Her pacifier is just that, it's not a binky. She does not get a baba, she gets a bottle, and so forth. But I suppose if we spoke to her in a shortened baby way maybe it wouldn't feel like she is growing up so fast. Who knows?

So I started back to work on March 2nd. March 1st I was a crying wreck. I thought that I was abandoning my baby and that she would somehow remember me leaving her and putting her in this strange place. I tried to work out in my head how we could afford to live in our house without 2 incomes. I thought that maybe we should move into a smaller house in the suburbs so that I could stay home and Eric would go to work. Sunday March 1st was not a good day for me. Fast forward to the next morning and it's a completely different story. I slept well. I woke up, got myself ready for work, fed the baby and left for work. Estella made it easier by falling back asleep before I left the house. And she was an angel with Eric the whole day. What more could I ask for?

As I made my way closer to the office I became more and more excited. I didn't realize how much I missed the daily conversations about everything and nothing. I felt as if I was getting back to my old life. Having Eric home with Estella the first day was key. It made me more comfortable knowing that she was with her daddy. And I have loved being back at work. 3 weeks now and it's going great. Estella is in a daycare that is 1 block away from my office, so I go in and feed her at lunchtime. It's so nice to get a little Estella fix. Eric still has her 2 days a week for the time being as well. Once he starts working on a wall she will be in daycare full time. The cost of daycare is shocking. It makes sense when you break it down per hour, but we have basically taken on a second mortgage for what it costs per month. It's scary. So the cost is also a major reason why Eric will watch her 2 days a week for as long as he can. (Besides that fact that he loves being home with her too) She seems to be thriving in the daycare as well. The facility is right in Center City and there are parents dropping in and out all day. Everyone is polite and they treat the children well. It's the best solution for a situation that is not ideal. She has a little cold that I know she caught from the other babies, but we were completely expecting that. She's fine just a little congested. I'm not scared of the germs, and I actually glad she's a little ill. Building up immunities is a messy process.

The next few weeks are going to be very full. It actually started this past Wednesday with my first trip to NYC to see a client since my return to work. I wasn't sure I wanted to go, but it all worked out fine. Eric had her for 15+ hours by himself. She was very fussy at the end of the day but everyone got through it in the end. Being a nursing mother it was very hard for me at the end of the day. I pumped for the last time at 3pm and didn't get home until 11:30pm. Needless to say I was looking forward to seeing my little girl that evening if nothing more than for relief. But the NYC trip is just the beginning. I have a shower, NYC again, birthdays (mine is on Tuesday! Yay 31!, Eric's is on Thursday! Yay 30!) taxes, Janice and Frank are coming home, hair appointments, dress appointments, bachelor/bachelorette party, shots for the little girl and the wedding of the year! It's going to be busy. Lots of fun, but busy.

I think that's about all this week. Everything is going very well. Estella is a blast and all I can so is smile when I think of her.

Love to you all!

Desiree

Week 15

Hello all and welcome to Week 15,

So Estella is 15 weeks old, nearly 4 months. I can't believe she is this old already but she is still so tiny. I see all these other babies that are around her age and they all could crush her. Especially the little baby boys. They have pounds on her. A good 3-4 pounds. It's crazy. But I love my tiny baby. She can stay small for as long as she likes.

Earlier in the week I sent you all a recount of her birth. That was an incredibly long retelling. I had no idea how much I wrote until I looked it over the next day. This will be a much easier read! I'm just going to give you all a quick rundown of the highlights of Estella:

- She smiles all the time. We love it and I can't get enough of it. She is a very happy baby most of the time. She started smiling at about 5 weeks and laughing at about 10 weeks. We try to get her to laugh all the time. Eric is much better at it then I am. He seems to have the magic touch with a lot of things including naps. Eric can get her to sleep like no other. He currently has her 2 days a week and she takes 1-2 hour naps in the morning and 3-4 hour naps in the afternoon. Every once in a while she will sleep like that for me but not often enough. Eric thinks it's because she knows that I have the milk and there is too much excitement that surrounds the while milk thing.

- Poop has become a daily conversation for me and Eric. When she was first born we had to take her to the ER because she didn't poop for 5 days. The pediatric nurse said there could be a problem with her bilirubin so we to the hospital we went. She was 6 days old and we were waiting in the ER for 8 hours while they took an x-ray, felt her stomach and said she was fine. Thank goodness. But it freaked us out. The next day she pooped and Oh Boy did she make it count! To the belly button with her mess. Since then, it's all about the poop.

- She has this lower lip huge pout thing that she does that we just love. It is the cutest thing, but it only comes out when she is about the wail. We don't care, we love the lip.

- She was a nice big baby but has followed the 5-10% growth pattern since. Again, I am happy with my tiny baby.

- We are the luckiest parents in the world because Estella slept through the night since the beginning. We started with getting 5.5-6 hours a night all the way to 9 hours a night. She has had 2 bad nights where she wouldn't fall asleep and wouldn't stop crying, but that is it. She's the best!

- She was never much of a bobble-head baby. She pretty much was able to hold her head from the beginning. Of course we always held her head, but it didn't take long at all for her to be able to lift it by herself, just a week or two.

- She rolls over from belly to back and has been doing it for about a month now. Apparently she does it all the time in day care because one of the other mothers was commenting to me about it today. She hates being on her belly and has mastered rolling to her back because of it.

- Estella is just a lot of fun. Eric and I couldn't have asked for a better baby.

Now here are some interesting post-baby things about me. All the moms will understand.

- Nursing takes a toll on your energy but is great for putting your body back in shape. I am within 3 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight but my body isn't shaped the same way. I have actually gone up a size in jeans because my belly hasn't gone back to its original size. And the skin isn't as springy as I hoped it would be. It is just going to take some time.

- I think the extra 3 pounds still on me is in my chest.

- Cracked nipples are very painful and they take forever to heal.

- However nursing is absolutely wonderful, so it's going to take a lot more then a cracked nipple to deter me.

- While pregnant your sense of smell is ridiculously acute. After you have your baby every sense is acutely tuned to the baby.

I think that's about all for this week. I'll keep you all posted on all the cool baby news. She's about 12 weeks here in the photo.

Love,
Desiree

I'm a Mommy!

Hello all and Welcome to Post-Natal week 15 (or 3.5 months),

Yay! Estella is here. I am back to work. And everything is right in my world.

Having a baby is the most scary, awesome and exciting roller coaster I have ever been on and I am loving the ride. I believe Eric and I are adjusting very well and Estella is... well, Estella is just perfect. Even when she cries it's ok. When she smiles it's better. And when she laughs, there is no better sound or feeling in the world. Everything she is, everything she does and everything she will be is positively overwhelming. I am continually surprised at how much my life has changed and yet so many things are the same. The most surprising change is in me. People always say that you don't know Love until you've had a baby. Those people are right. I love my parents, sisters, husband, all of my extended family. I LOVE daughter. It's not that anyone else you've ever loved now moves down a peg. That doesn't happen. It's just that my capacity for love has changed. It's grown and now shines brightly on Estella.

Now, all of you mothers out there completely understand what I am saying and may have a better way of describing the whole "love growth" phenomenon. Everyone else understands the concept in theory. All I can say is that there is nothing like it. At this point in time nothing makes me happier then being with my little girl.

So, I figure because there hasn't been an update in 3 1/2 months I should go through the birth story. Everyone's story is different and I think they are interesting.

Well, Friday November 21st I went in to work. It started out like a normal day and I was so excited it was Friday. I sent out an update where I complained about pain, heartburn, still being pregnant, etc. I was contracting most of the day and writing down how often the contractions we coming. They varied between 7 and fifteen minutes apart. About 1pm I called Eric to come and pick me up. He was working at home that day cutting glass for his last mural of the year. He was in the middle of something glass related so I told him to come when he could. An hour later he still hadn't arrived, but my contractions were getting stronger and I was getting a little more nervous. Not that they had increased in intensity or frequency, but I was becoming more anxious. He finally picked me up about 2:30 and we went home. I sat on the couch and ate some ice cream for the heartburn and I waited and timed my contractions. By 7:30 or so they had become somewhat regular. By 8:30 they had started to move to 4-5 minutes apart. At 9:30 pm, I called the midwives and they told me to come in. We got our bags, some pillows, some food and drove the 40 minutes to The Birth Center. The ride wasn't awful and I was thinking that if these are the strong contractions I'll be able to do this no problem. (By the way, I thought that because up until this point these were the strongest contractions I had felt by far. I was in for a surprise!)

Eric and I walked into The Birth Center and were ushered into the last room they had available. I talked to the midwife and nurse and told them everything I was experiencing. They had me undress and then they checked me. I was 1 centimeter dilated. They were kind, told me I was in prodromal labor and sent me home. They said that the contractions would probably move further apart as the night goes on and that I should try to get some sleep. They were kind enough to tell me that I would probably be back within 24 hours.

I felt awful. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to waste Eric's time. I didn't want to be wrong.

Eric and I got home and we tried to relax. We had a bowl of ice cream to help my heartburn and then went to bed. To my surprise I didn't have any problem falling asleep. The contractions were moving further apart and weren't nearly as strong, just like the midwife said.

The next morning Eric and I just hung around the house. We worked in the baby's room to try to get all the gifts finally set up, put away or stored until the baby was old enough to use it. It was while we were working in the baby's room when the contractions had noticeably started again. It was 3:30 pm and it was the first contraction that I used to start timing. They were 15 minutes apart and were stronger then the previous days contractions. Still completely manageable, but stronger.

The contractions continued throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening growing in intensity and frequency. By 10 pm they were 4-5 minutes apart again lasting about 1 minute, but this time I had to concentrate to get through them. 10:30 we called the midwives. Again they told us to come in. This time the ride to The Birth Center wasn't as easy. I felt every bump in the road and some contractions were extremely strong. We got to The Birth Center at 11:30 pm. This time we are the only couple there. We walked into the birthing room and I sat on an exercise ball to move my hips which helped me through a contraction. I undressed, they checked me and I was dilated 3 centimeters this time. It was painful when she checked how far along I was. She said to get comfortable and that she would come and check me in an hour to see if I move along at all. It didn't take long it see that I was progressing fast. At 11:55 pm on November 22nd my water broke and I moved quickly into active labor.

Now at The Birth Center the birthing mothers are not attached to anything. There are no IV's, you are not hooked up to a fetal monitor. You are free to move around as you need. For me this was key because once active labor started I needed to move help ease the pain of the contractions.

So, for me, when my water broke it was not like the movies. I probably had a few tablespoons of clear liquid come out. But the minute that my water broke I knew there was no turning back. I was very excited but nervous as well. So far I had been able to deal with the contractions, but they became much stronger after my water broke.

There is no modesty in labor. After my water broke and the contractions had become much more serious, I was completely undressed. I wore an open robe for when I got a chill, but otherwise I was in my altogether. I know Eric had called our parents to let them know that I was in The Birth Center and this time it was for real but I have no memory of when he did this. I do know that my mother continued to call Eric to get more information so that she could meet us, but he was too busy helping me through the pain to concentrate on his phone.

Eric was unbelievably wonderful through the entire labor process. He was so tired. It's after midnight and I am moaning through every contraction every 2-3 minutes. He continually rubbed my back, told me that I was doing great and supported me through everything. I was not physically able to say thank you to him for about 3 hours. But I heard everything he said and it was so encouraging.

I labored on an exercise ball, on the toilet, in a tub of warm water and on the bed. I moved around every few contractions. I tried to labor in a tub for a while but I think I lasted about 20-30 minutes. I was experiencing some back labor so I couldn't lean back and "relax" I stayed leaning forward in the tub sitting on my knees. Not comfortable, so it didn't really help. The entire time I was laboring the nurse would come in every 15 minutes to monitor the baby's heartbeat. She had a hand held device that she used which allowed me not to be attached to anything.

I groaned and moaned through the contractions. I went into a type of trance. My eyes never really opened and I never screamed or yelled. I just worked my way through each individual contraction. Once it hit its peak I knew I could get through the other side of it, and I knew I could do the next one. However, I knew I was in transition when I was laying on the bed and I was having contractions on top of one another. It was the most intense feeling I have ever had. It's not just pain but its emotion too. Your body is letting you know that you are just about to have a baby so every emotion attached to that fact comes to the surface as well. It's nearly indescribable. At this point every time my body would complete a contraction my entire body would shake. I wasn't cold, it was the reaction of my muscles after the extreme tension. I was trying to let just my abdomen contract, but it was unbelievably difficult. I figured if I could keep my jaw slack then I was managing to partially relax through the contractions. I don't know how long I was in transition, but I think it was probably about an hour. Toward the end of it I wasn't sure if I would be able to continue much longer. I think I even tried to say that to Eric, but I'm not sure exactly what came out of my mouth. Probably just some garbled groans.

I started pushing a little before I announced to anyone that I had to. My body just did it. After 3 minor pushes I told the Eric and the nurse that I had to push. The midwife was called, she checked me and I was completely dilated and effaced. She hadn't checked me at all since that first time at 11:30 pm. It was now 3 am on November 23rd.

Pushing is a funny thing. Once your body goes through the crazy transition phase where the contractions are right on top of one another you get a break when you have to push. Your body knows you need to gather your strength to get the baby out. The contractions become slower, probably 2-5 minutes apart, and they not as strong. It was at this time that I opened my eyes and looked around. I had a new nurse named Carly and I introduced myself to her. I was able to smile and get excited about the baby coming. However I could not push laying on my back like you see in the movies. I pushed on all fours. You get gravity helping you and it was much more comfortable for me. I don't have many strong memories about pushing. It wasn't as painful as transitition and I felt that I could do it a little bit at a time. The nurse was now checking the baby's heartbeat after every push. It was when she checked the heartbeat after almost an hour and a half of pushing that there was a problem.

The baby was far down the birth canal and I thought just about to make an appearance. We had seen her head for a while, she was just slow to come out. The nurse checked the heartbeat and it had dropped suddenly. The midwife said that if I wasn't able to push the baby out with the next contraction that she was going to have to give me an episiotomy and get the baby out. It quickly became a dire situation. I pushed with all my might on the next contraction and she came out so fast, along with the rest of the amniotic fluid that she was blocking after my water broke originally. She had come out so quick that I though the midwife had given me the episiotomy. The midwife said to the nurse, "get the oxygen" because she was unresponsive at birth. Eric and I did not hear anything. It felt like forever before we heard the baby cry. She was born with her arm around her neck and the umbilical cord also wrapped around her neck pinning her arm. So when she was coming down the birth canal her arm and umbilical cord were cutting off her oxygen. I think they worked on her for less then a minute but I don't know for certain. All I know is that I was stuck on my hands and knees because I wasn't finished delivering everything, I can't see the baby at all because of my position, I'm soaked because of all the liquid that was just expelled, my baby isn't crying and Eric is praying out loud that the baby starts to breathe. I started to cry. The whole thing felt like an eternity.

Thankfully the baby starts to cry and then I cry harder. I think Eric was in shock. I don't know what he did. We finally hear that our baby is a girl and Eric says "Really?". He was shocked. He was completely convinced she was a boy. I was excited to have a little girl. She was born at 4:28am, just 5 hours after we arrive at The Birth Center.

Fifteen minutes later, having not heard from us at all, my parents arrive. They got to hear the baby's cries through the door. She was 8 pounds, 7 ounces and was 20 inches long. Just perfect.

We didn't have a name for our baby girl when she was born. My dad was great and read an entire book of girls names to us while Eric and I kind of dozed in and out. We liked Lillian, Vivian and Estella. Emerson was a name we kicked around a bit as well. But we settled on Estella, which was my favorite. Eric likes it now, he was on the fence about it for a while when she was born.

This is now my favorite story of all my stories. I was home 12 hours later and was greeted by my most of my mother's family. I felt wonderful. I felt like I could have run a marathon after the birth. All of the endorphins and adrenaline running through my body made me feel like a superwoman.

So this is our story. I will update you all on how she is doing at the end of the week. This was a bit of a feat to write, and I'm sure it is just the same to read. I'm sorry it took so long to get to everyone. I've been a little busy as of late.

Love to you all,
Desiree