I'm a Mommy!

Hello all and Welcome to Post-Natal week 15 (or 3.5 months),

Yay! Estella is here. I am back to work. And everything is right in my world.

Having a baby is the most scary, awesome and exciting roller coaster I have ever been on and I am loving the ride. I believe Eric and I are adjusting very well and Estella is... well, Estella is just perfect. Even when she cries it's ok. When she smiles it's better. And when she laughs, there is no better sound or feeling in the world. Everything she is, everything she does and everything she will be is positively overwhelming. I am continually surprised at how much my life has changed and yet so many things are the same. The most surprising change is in me. People always say that you don't know Love until you've had a baby. Those people are right. I love my parents, sisters, husband, all of my extended family. I LOVE daughter. It's not that anyone else you've ever loved now moves down a peg. That doesn't happen. It's just that my capacity for love has changed. It's grown and now shines brightly on Estella.

Now, all of you mothers out there completely understand what I am saying and may have a better way of describing the whole "love growth" phenomenon. Everyone else understands the concept in theory. All I can say is that there is nothing like it. At this point in time nothing makes me happier then being with my little girl.

So, I figure because there hasn't been an update in 3 1/2 months I should go through the birth story. Everyone's story is different and I think they are interesting.

Well, Friday November 21st I went in to work. It started out like a normal day and I was so excited it was Friday. I sent out an update where I complained about pain, heartburn, still being pregnant, etc. I was contracting most of the day and writing down how often the contractions we coming. They varied between 7 and fifteen minutes apart. About 1pm I called Eric to come and pick me up. He was working at home that day cutting glass for his last mural of the year. He was in the middle of something glass related so I told him to come when he could. An hour later he still hadn't arrived, but my contractions were getting stronger and I was getting a little more nervous. Not that they had increased in intensity or frequency, but I was becoming more anxious. He finally picked me up about 2:30 and we went home. I sat on the couch and ate some ice cream for the heartburn and I waited and timed my contractions. By 7:30 or so they had become somewhat regular. By 8:30 they had started to move to 4-5 minutes apart. At 9:30 pm, I called the midwives and they told me to come in. We got our bags, some pillows, some food and drove the 40 minutes to The Birth Center. The ride wasn't awful and I was thinking that if these are the strong contractions I'll be able to do this no problem. (By the way, I thought that because up until this point these were the strongest contractions I had felt by far. I was in for a surprise!)

Eric and I walked into The Birth Center and were ushered into the last room they had available. I talked to the midwife and nurse and told them everything I was experiencing. They had me undress and then they checked me. I was 1 centimeter dilated. They were kind, told me I was in prodromal labor and sent me home. They said that the contractions would probably move further apart as the night goes on and that I should try to get some sleep. They were kind enough to tell me that I would probably be back within 24 hours.

I felt awful. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to waste Eric's time. I didn't want to be wrong.

Eric and I got home and we tried to relax. We had a bowl of ice cream to help my heartburn and then went to bed. To my surprise I didn't have any problem falling asleep. The contractions were moving further apart and weren't nearly as strong, just like the midwife said.

The next morning Eric and I just hung around the house. We worked in the baby's room to try to get all the gifts finally set up, put away or stored until the baby was old enough to use it. It was while we were working in the baby's room when the contractions had noticeably started again. It was 3:30 pm and it was the first contraction that I used to start timing. They were 15 minutes apart and were stronger then the previous days contractions. Still completely manageable, but stronger.

The contractions continued throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening growing in intensity and frequency. By 10 pm they were 4-5 minutes apart again lasting about 1 minute, but this time I had to concentrate to get through them. 10:30 we called the midwives. Again they told us to come in. This time the ride to The Birth Center wasn't as easy. I felt every bump in the road and some contractions were extremely strong. We got to The Birth Center at 11:30 pm. This time we are the only couple there. We walked into the birthing room and I sat on an exercise ball to move my hips which helped me through a contraction. I undressed, they checked me and I was dilated 3 centimeters this time. It was painful when she checked how far along I was. She said to get comfortable and that she would come and check me in an hour to see if I move along at all. It didn't take long it see that I was progressing fast. At 11:55 pm on November 22nd my water broke and I moved quickly into active labor.

Now at The Birth Center the birthing mothers are not attached to anything. There are no IV's, you are not hooked up to a fetal monitor. You are free to move around as you need. For me this was key because once active labor started I needed to move help ease the pain of the contractions.

So, for me, when my water broke it was not like the movies. I probably had a few tablespoons of clear liquid come out. But the minute that my water broke I knew there was no turning back. I was very excited but nervous as well. So far I had been able to deal with the contractions, but they became much stronger after my water broke.

There is no modesty in labor. After my water broke and the contractions had become much more serious, I was completely undressed. I wore an open robe for when I got a chill, but otherwise I was in my altogether. I know Eric had called our parents to let them know that I was in The Birth Center and this time it was for real but I have no memory of when he did this. I do know that my mother continued to call Eric to get more information so that she could meet us, but he was too busy helping me through the pain to concentrate on his phone.

Eric was unbelievably wonderful through the entire labor process. He was so tired. It's after midnight and I am moaning through every contraction every 2-3 minutes. He continually rubbed my back, told me that I was doing great and supported me through everything. I was not physically able to say thank you to him for about 3 hours. But I heard everything he said and it was so encouraging.

I labored on an exercise ball, on the toilet, in a tub of warm water and on the bed. I moved around every few contractions. I tried to labor in a tub for a while but I think I lasted about 20-30 minutes. I was experiencing some back labor so I couldn't lean back and "relax" I stayed leaning forward in the tub sitting on my knees. Not comfortable, so it didn't really help. The entire time I was laboring the nurse would come in every 15 minutes to monitor the baby's heartbeat. She had a hand held device that she used which allowed me not to be attached to anything.

I groaned and moaned through the contractions. I went into a type of trance. My eyes never really opened and I never screamed or yelled. I just worked my way through each individual contraction. Once it hit its peak I knew I could get through the other side of it, and I knew I could do the next one. However, I knew I was in transition when I was laying on the bed and I was having contractions on top of one another. It was the most intense feeling I have ever had. It's not just pain but its emotion too. Your body is letting you know that you are just about to have a baby so every emotion attached to that fact comes to the surface as well. It's nearly indescribable. At this point every time my body would complete a contraction my entire body would shake. I wasn't cold, it was the reaction of my muscles after the extreme tension. I was trying to let just my abdomen contract, but it was unbelievably difficult. I figured if I could keep my jaw slack then I was managing to partially relax through the contractions. I don't know how long I was in transition, but I think it was probably about an hour. Toward the end of it I wasn't sure if I would be able to continue much longer. I think I even tried to say that to Eric, but I'm not sure exactly what came out of my mouth. Probably just some garbled groans.

I started pushing a little before I announced to anyone that I had to. My body just did it. After 3 minor pushes I told the Eric and the nurse that I had to push. The midwife was called, she checked me and I was completely dilated and effaced. She hadn't checked me at all since that first time at 11:30 pm. It was now 3 am on November 23rd.

Pushing is a funny thing. Once your body goes through the crazy transition phase where the contractions are right on top of one another you get a break when you have to push. Your body knows you need to gather your strength to get the baby out. The contractions become slower, probably 2-5 minutes apart, and they not as strong. It was at this time that I opened my eyes and looked around. I had a new nurse named Carly and I introduced myself to her. I was able to smile and get excited about the baby coming. However I could not push laying on my back like you see in the movies. I pushed on all fours. You get gravity helping you and it was much more comfortable for me. I don't have many strong memories about pushing. It wasn't as painful as transitition and I felt that I could do it a little bit at a time. The nurse was now checking the baby's heartbeat after every push. It was when she checked the heartbeat after almost an hour and a half of pushing that there was a problem.

The baby was far down the birth canal and I thought just about to make an appearance. We had seen her head for a while, she was just slow to come out. The nurse checked the heartbeat and it had dropped suddenly. The midwife said that if I wasn't able to push the baby out with the next contraction that she was going to have to give me an episiotomy and get the baby out. It quickly became a dire situation. I pushed with all my might on the next contraction and she came out so fast, along with the rest of the amniotic fluid that she was blocking after my water broke originally. She had come out so quick that I though the midwife had given me the episiotomy. The midwife said to the nurse, "get the oxygen" because she was unresponsive at birth. Eric and I did not hear anything. It felt like forever before we heard the baby cry. She was born with her arm around her neck and the umbilical cord also wrapped around her neck pinning her arm. So when she was coming down the birth canal her arm and umbilical cord were cutting off her oxygen. I think they worked on her for less then a minute but I don't know for certain. All I know is that I was stuck on my hands and knees because I wasn't finished delivering everything, I can't see the baby at all because of my position, I'm soaked because of all the liquid that was just expelled, my baby isn't crying and Eric is praying out loud that the baby starts to breathe. I started to cry. The whole thing felt like an eternity.

Thankfully the baby starts to cry and then I cry harder. I think Eric was in shock. I don't know what he did. We finally hear that our baby is a girl and Eric says "Really?". He was shocked. He was completely convinced she was a boy. I was excited to have a little girl. She was born at 4:28am, just 5 hours after we arrive at The Birth Center.

Fifteen minutes later, having not heard from us at all, my parents arrive. They got to hear the baby's cries through the door. She was 8 pounds, 7 ounces and was 20 inches long. Just perfect.

We didn't have a name for our baby girl when she was born. My dad was great and read an entire book of girls names to us while Eric and I kind of dozed in and out. We liked Lillian, Vivian and Estella. Emerson was a name we kicked around a bit as well. But we settled on Estella, which was my favorite. Eric likes it now, he was on the fence about it for a while when she was born.

This is now my favorite story of all my stories. I was home 12 hours later and was greeted by my most of my mother's family. I felt wonderful. I felt like I could have run a marathon after the birth. All of the endorphins and adrenaline running through my body made me feel like a superwoman.

So this is our story. I will update you all on how she is doing at the end of the week. This was a bit of a feat to write, and I'm sure it is just the same to read. I'm sorry it took so long to get to everyone. I've been a little busy as of late.

Love to you all,
Desiree