Estella Grace

Week 40

Hello and Welcome to Week 40!

So, I am just starting my 40th week. My due date (at the conclusion of my 40th week) is 1 week away and I am excited, nervous, scared and anxious. I wonder if I will know when the contractions I have been experiencing turn into the contractions that will ultimately bring the baby. I'm at the point where every contraction or pain is a trigger in my head to take note of the time and length. I went to the midwife yesterday and she said everything looks great. They will start giving me internals next week (if I make it that long) and the fundal measurement (the size of my uterus) is actually smaller then it was last week which means I have probably dropped. This is a great thing to hear because anything other than time passing that makes me feel closer to delivery puts a smile on my face. But other then that everything is still exactly the same. Nothing else seems to be happening. However, the only thing that could happen that would feel like progress at this point would be labor. So I will continue to sit here and wait.

I dream about the baby almost every night. Last night I dreamt the baby's hand pushed through my belly and was hanging out I guess just saying "Hi". It freaked me out. I knew that I had to get to the hospital but I never made it there. I just held the baby's hand to keep the rest of the body from pushing through. It was a little insane.

We finished our Bradley Birth Classes this week. We learned a lot and I am so glad that we took the course. I highly recommend everyone that finds themselves pregnant take some sort of birth class, even if you know you do not want to have an unmedicated birth. I considered myself well informed before we took the course. I really thought it would be mostly for Eric, but I learned so much too. And arming yourself with knowledge is the best way to combat the fear that will undoubtedly creep in at some point. For me it was worth the 8 weeks every Wednesday night. I found myself really looking forward to the course every week. So in addition to good prenatal care please consider taking an in depth birth class. You have to know your options to be able to access them.

There isn't much to report this week. I think I am all "updated" out until this baby is born. I waddle. I groan. I snore. I breath heavy. I complain. I get tired. I eats lots of ice cream to combat my heartburn. I have stretch marks. All of this and so much more will continue until this baby arrives. So think good pregnancy thoughts and let's all hope this baby comes soon!

Let's get the the good stuff! The baby is positioned with its head facing down and the bottom toward your ribs. (For me, the butt is right in my ribs 90% of the time). If this is your first baby, your baby may "drop" a few days to a couple of weeks before delivery. "Dropping" simply means your baby moves further down into your pelvis, readying for birth. (I would say that this baby has dropped simply because my pelvis is killing me most days). The baby may be seven pounds or more and 14 inches long from crown to rump this week. Below are the weekly renderings.

Love to you all,

Desiree

Week 39

Hello and Welcome to Week 39!

I am so pregnant it hurts. I don't want to hear any more about people that are having babies unless it's me. This week 3 people that are all on their 1st baby and due within a week or 2 of me had their babies this week, early. One woman was a month early and still had a 6 lb 5 oz baby! Everyone is healthy and happy and no longer pregnant. Now, I had enjoyed most aspects of being pregnant. On more then one occasion I have mentioned in these messages all the pros and cons of my pregnancy but I hope with a distinct emphasis on the pros. Today I am fully in the con column. My feelings will probably change tomorrow. I am just jealous of the families that currently can hold the babies they've been carrying for the last 8-9 months. I know my time is coming soon, but right now time is moving at a snail's pace.

Eric and I both have colds. We are getting over them now, but it's been annoying all week. I think I've had 6-7 hours of sleep over the last 2 days. I am uncomfortable all the time and the heartburn is destroying my esophagus. I am actually concerned about any lasting damage to my esophagus because the acid from my stomach has been an issue this entire pregnancy, but it is insanely bad right now. It is keeping my up at nights and I have no idea what else I can do. Giving birth is the only thing that will relieve my stomach. I am also snapping at Eric and I don't mean to. I am just so tired and uncomfortable and I have been taking it out on him a little because he lives with me. I am trying to be nice however my success rate has dropped dramatically. And I don't want to do anything. I don't want to cook, clean or think. I have to get my bag together for when I do go into labor and I haven't even done that yet. It's as if Eric has to hold my hand and walk me through all this. I know what has to be done and I have no motivation to get anything completed. The only thing I want to do is finish the blanket I began knitting for the baby a few months ago. I haven't touched it in 6 weeks and the last 3 nights I've had marathon knitting sessions. It is almost done, but it will probably take another 10 hours or so.

I had a wonderful baby shower last weekend. Everyone was so generous with their time and gifts. And it was so nice to see family that I haven't been able to in the last few weeks or months. It was great. My Aunt Andrea was kind enough to host the event, and I have to say I'm glad she did because I sometimes forget the vast number of my extended family and she has a very large house! I know that she and my mother worked very hard to make it a lovely event so I want to thank them both very much. The baby is definitely set for the first few months and I don't think I'll need to buy any baby lotion, shampoo and soap for at least a year! This baby is very lucky to have such a large family that is so excited to have a new member. And I am very lucky to be able to be a part of its arrival. And during the shower I found out that my cousins wife is expecting twins! How wonderful is that. I love that we are beginning a whole new generation.

Eric and I went for my weekly check-up yesterday. So far I've gained 29 pounds and the midwife is pleased with the amount of fluid surrounding the baby. She estimated that the baby is about 6.5 pounds and the heartbeat was in the 140's. And she basically told me to get comfortable. Although the baby could come at any time she said that Eric and I should go out to eat, see some movies and enjoy ourselves. Great advice if I felt like doing anything and if Eric wasn't up to his eyes with work. Right now a date with my couch is all I'm really looking forward to!

Now for the fun stuff: The baby's internal organs and systems are now fully developed. The baby is ready to enter the world. Its once spacious home inside my uterus has become cramped, and it has little room to stretch out arms and legs. The baby is now 6 pounds 13 ounces (so this baby is right on target according to my midwives) and is about 14 inches long from crown to rump. Below are the weekly renderings.

Love to you all!

Desiree

Week 38

Hello all and Welcome to Week 38!

I have lost the battle with the waddle. It saddens me to say this, but I have had to come to terms with my current duck-ness. When I walk my belly moves in one direction and my butt moves in the opposite. I have also had to move to sneakers (which I hate) in the past week. The reason is two-fold: 1. With the weather conditions and wet leaves blanketing the streets in Philadelphia, it is just safer for a clumsy pregnant woman. And 2. my feet begin to swell at the end of the day in my regular shoes, so it becomes uncomfortable to walk home. So sneakers (for the time being) it is. Not necessarily the fashion statement I want to be making, but with 3 weeks left until my due date I figure I can live with it.

So I am in my 37th week, just about to enter my 38th and it is evident that my body is getting ready for this baby to be born. I experienced 3 hours of painful contractions Tuesday night. They were 10-20 minutes apart and lasting between 45 seconds and 1 minute. And then they were gone. Yesterday I had waves of back pain for about 7 hours. I wasn't experiencing any painful contractions, just the normal painless Braxton-Hicks, but the back pain was quite distracting. And the baby completely changed position yesterday for the midwife. The baby was positioned on my right side for the last 2 months. No change, it was very happy there. Yesterday in the car ride to the birth center the baby moved from head down, laying on my right side to head down laying on my left. Right now the baby's butt is high and dead center in my belly with the head and face facing downward. The perfect position to be born. So everything is moving right along. I feel like I'm now on the clock and this baby can be born any minute. In reality I'll probably have a December baby. And as if I wasn't already keenly aware of every movement, hiccup and pain that I experience, there is now the added "Could this be it" that goes quickly through my brain. I know that this is all normal and veteran mothers probably have become accustomed to this process to a certain degree. However, but for my calm exterior I am a body of goo and nervousness. I still feel like I have nothing completed. In fact the baby didn't have a stitch of clothing until I went to the store yesterday in a slight panic that I wouldn't have anything to dress it in to come home. My mom had to remind me that I have to wash the clothes before the baby wears them. I know I'll be a fine mother, but there are times I am such a dolt. I was so glad she said something about washing the clothing. I would have remembered, but not at that moment.

Eric painted a Keith Haring inspired mural in the baby's room this week. I love it. He put a pregnant figure in it to represent me and 2 cats to represent ours. It looks great. If you don't know who Keith Haring is here are a few photos of the mural he did in Philadelphia that Eric restored about 8 years ago. He was a very famous pop artist that died of AIDS in the 1990's. You may recognize his work from other projects.





The mural that Eric painted in the baby's room is monochromatic to keep with the subtle color and light concept that we have in there.

As a quick side note, I have mentioned to you all about how much being pregnant has slowed me down while walking. Last week I was waddling underground in the Philadelphia Concourse on my way to the subway when a man with 1 leg on crutches zooms past me to get the the El station. He literally had 1 leg and handily beat me in speed down the corridor. It was then that I knew I was truly slow.

Now for the fun stuff. The baby is developed enough to survive outside of the womb. The lungs, now filled with amniotic fluid, are ready to take their first breaths of air. The eyelids flutter open and shut preparing for its first view. The baby is just about done growing inside me (Yay!). According to babyzone.com the baby is nearly 6 pounds, six ounces and 14 inches in length from crown to rump. However, according to my midwife yesterday I do not have a 6 pounder inside me. She said average size. I'm hoping between 7 and 8 pounds. We'll soon see. Below are the weekly renderings.

Love you all,

Desiree

Week 37

This week I realized for the first time that when I sit down my belly actually rests on the top of my thighs. I’m sure it’s been that way for a couple of weeks, but I only just noticed this phenomenon. The heft of the belly is amazing. It makes complete sense that the belly would be heavy, but I really didn’t know or think about it at all beforehand. I’ve gained 26 ½ pounds so far and it is all in the front. Moving around is a joke anymore. Eric was making fun of all the odd breathy noises I now make when I try to do just about anything. But he sees me when I am not trying to save face in front of anyone. When I am around any of you the chances of hearing a loud sigh out of me is slim. I do have an image to keep up (even if it’s in my own head)! J

I am so excited to be moving into November! I know my due date is at the end of the month and I could easily go into December, but I have hit the warning track. I am just about done the pregnancy and I am elated. I can’t wait to meet my baby. I can’t wait to start this new adventure. I can’t wait to get my body back! The closer we get to the due date the more impossible it becomes to get this whole event out of my mind. The pregnancy and the baby is the complete focus of my life at this point. I am annoyed when I have to concentrate on something else. I just want to stay home and prepare. I am not nesting as much as I am anxious for everything to get started. I am feeling contractions more often, but they are not strong and they have no pattern so they mean nothing. Just my uterus getting ready. Not that I am looking to rush anything, the baby will come when it wants to, but the anticipation I feel is crazy.

I’m just excited. There is nothing else to say about it. Happy and excited.

The birthing class we are taking is going well. I really like what she has to say and it gives me confidence that I am able to go through this process naturally without any medication. It’s a very personal decision to attempt a no medication labor. I’ve been very honest and straightforward with everyone when they ask me about my labor plans but this may have been a mistake to a certain degree. I know that everyone either has their own birth story or have heard many from friends and family. Inevitably people want to tell me about their (or someone else’s) horror stories. Or they think I have no idea what I am getting into wanting a non-medicated birth. I understand that everyone wants to pass along helpful information, but this is not helpful to me. If anything these comments place small seeds of doubt in my head. I am a very strong believer in positive reinforcement and encouragement. The faith that Eric has in me to do this well has helped me throughout this entire process and it will continue when we reach labor. Even if he doesn’t completely understand how the relaxation and visualization techniques will help me, he never doubted me or my desire to do this. It’s a very funny line. I think that I am as well prepared for a non-medicated birth as I possibly can be. I am going to do my best to make this happen. I feel that I have chosen to have this baby in an environment that celebrates natural birth. This is very scary for some people however; I am perfectly at ease with my choice.

Now for the fun stuff: The baby now favors certain body positions. Typically the baby enjoys resting with its head down and its rump toward my ribs, which so happens to be the ideal placement for delivery. (Yay baby!) The baby’s movements will become less frequent as it has less wiggle room. From now on the baby’s growth will be slow and steady as it continues to put on weight and fill out. The baby weighs in around 6 pounds this week and its length hovers around 13.2 inches from crown to rump. Below are the weekly renderings.

Week 36

Hello all and Welcome to Week 36!

I guess this makes me 9 months pregnant, or at least a few days shy of that official mark. I am due in 36 days, November 29th. As far as my physical body is concerned the actual birth day can’t come soon enough. In terms of everything else I can afford to wait the 4 weeks or so. I feel a little like Jabba the Hut. When I’m down I stay there for a long time and it takes a huge effort for me to move. My couch just sucks me in. Eric called me a Weeble the other day. All of these analogies work. Pregnant women are funny. Our bodies are completely taken over by this alien growing inside us and we don’t mind. In fact, we find it exciting, even though our daily activities are dramatically altered by this unknown being in the bulging belly. My abdomen is a rock. If only it was this solid when I wasn’t pregnant! Eric is amazed daily by the hardness of my belly. It may give me the motivation to do some sit-ups after the baby is born. Probably not, but who knows.

I was speaking to my mom last night about how long it takes me to walk home now (about 36 minutes, just so you know) and how much it bothers me. In my head, pregnancy is a small issue and I should be able to overcome the physical limitations. Logically I know that I have to take it easier and that I shouldn’t be discouraged about how long it takes me to get places. But in my head I know how long it used to take me (22 minutes) and I feel that I should be able to still make that pace. I would actually rather take a 15-20 minute walk after I get home because I have no time or distance pressures being generated from my own head. It doesn’t make sense logically, but it makes sense to my ego. Some days I can get over it. Yesterday was not one of those days. Yesterday I didn’t get much sleep and was awoken by the worst Charlie Horse of my life. It brought tears to my eyes, my ears started ringing and I saw stars. My calf was sore all day and when it came to moving around my pelvis screamed out every time I took a step or tried to get comfortable. I was very happy that a co-worker offered to drive me home otherwise I would have probably taken a cab. Even with the ride I got home at the same time I would have had I walked. I need to get over this time thing and soon because, let’s face it, walking around with a baby I’m not going to be winning any time trials.

Everything continues to be going well. I have gained 25 pounds so far, which is completely normal. I was freaked out about gaining 6 pounds in 2 weeks, but the baby probably went through a growth spurt and I haven’t been shying away from the Halloween candy that has been lurking in my house and office. Generally speaking I eat healthy, but there is something about a tiny Snickers bar that calls my name and sings in my ear. Not a big deal, but I think I did my part in the 6 pound gain this last time.

Eric surprised me earlier this week by putting all of these weekly messages on a blog website. So if you ever want to go back and read previous weeks emails without the hassle of looking through your inboxes, you can now just go to the blog. Here’s the link: http://desireesbabyupdates.blogspot.com/
You can also reach Eric’s website and blog from my page as well. Let me know if you have any issues.

Now for the fun stuff: the baby is considered full term at this point and it looks completely developed. The soft, fuzzy hairs that once covered the body begin to disappear. The baby continues to add fat layers, which will help it stay warm once it leaves the womb. During these last weeks the baby has developed sleeping patterns, and it often has very little to do with night and day! The baby weighs in about 5 pounds, 10 ounces and stretches to around 12 inches from crown to rump. Weekly rendering are below.

Love,
Desiree

Week 35

I am tired. I am so tired. My belly is gigantic (at least to me) and it is difficult to turn in my sleep, get out of bed, off the couch, etc. I feel like a cartoon exaggeration of my former self. I’m all boobs, belly and butt. I’m an “S” curve. And moving around as a humongous S is a little humorous. I am working so hard not to waddle. I am not a duck. But, when my body becomes very tired at night and I am alone with Eric I let the waddle come home to roost. I have no reason to hide it at that point. However, at work, walking home and any other time I may be conscious of how I look, I walk with 1 foot in front of the other, in my heels and sashay down the street. Or at least I try. Sashaying conveys a little speed and attitude in your walk. My current pace is that of a snail and the attitude in my face is more of a pained strain, but I am trying. I find wearing my big sunglasses helps.

You are all getting this on a Thursday because tomorrow I am in the wedding of my lovely cousin Tara. It’s a blessing that Bridesmaids are not required to walk fast down the aisle. No one will have to ask me to slow down. When I found out I was pregnant I gave Tara the option of not having me as one of her bridesmaids because I knew I’d be 8 ½ months along and probably huge by now. I didn’t know how see had envisioned her bridal party and I didn’t want to mess anything up. But she’s a trooper and has no problem with me being in her wedding. I think I currently look and feel better then what I had projected myself to be living through at this point (thankfully), but I hope when she sees me in my dress tomorrow that she agrees.

Last night Eric and I had another birth class. Now we watch birthing videos every week, but this week’s video was so much more graphic then I had expected. The baby was crowning and then just stopped and she was held with the baby in that position for what seemed like 10 minutes. All of the other births we have watched had at least the head out after it started crowning. That did not happen with this woman and I have to say it was the most uncomfortable I’ve been watching these videos since the class began. A Baby Story it was not.

I have another doctor’s appointment today. This every 2 week thing is a little annoying, but I would rather them be on top of everything rather then leave it all to chance. I know Eric is a little tired of having to drive out to Bryn Mawr again, but what are you going to do. Now all the conversations are about what happens after the baby is born. Do we have a pediatrician (almost, we have great recommendation), if it’s a boy will he be circumcised (undecided), am I going to breastfeed (as long as I possibly can), do we have childcare picked out (it’s a very fluid thing right now, but we are working on it), etc. We have a lot of decisions to make but everything is coming together in its own time. I’m trying not to rush anything at this point even though its against my natural tendencies.

As a quick little side note, I was walking home yesterday down 12th street and a man comes up to me and says “Congratulations!” He pauses and then says “You’re having a girl”. I said, “thank you. We’ll see soon” and walked away.

So, here’s the fun stuff. According to Babyzone.com the baby’s muscles are maturing along with the rest of its body. The baby can hold its head up and turn it from side to side. The baby will practice its newfound muscle tone by stretching out its arms and kicking its legs (I can verify that this happens all day long!). If this baby is a boy then the testes have descended into their proper place. The baby’s eyes are now open when awake and closed when sleeping. The baby is about 12.8 inches from crown to rump and weighs nearly 5 pounds. Below are the weekly renderings.

Week 34

My week has been almost fully centered on the financial markets. It’s been stressful, frustrating and mind-numbing. My own personal life is a little more stressful as well, but that’s just because I have a ton of commitments over the next 3 weeks. I think all of this has possibly had an adverse effect on the baby. On Wednesday the baby seemed very sluggish. I was concerned, but not overly so because I was still feeling it move. Yesterday when I woke up the baby was not moving with me, which is not normal at all. So I called the midwives and they recommended that I have breakfast and then count the movements over and hour. The baby moved 5 times in 40 minutes, but I still wasn’t feeling better about the situation because the movements still felt sluggish. So Eric and I went to the Birth Center and I was hooked up to a fetal monitor for about an hour. Everything is fine. And by last night the baby was acting more like itself. So who knows? Maybe the baby was extra tired. Maybe it was telling me I need to slow down, de-stress and take it easy. Maybe it’s going through a growth spurt and the space finally became way too tight. All I know is that the baby was up with me today, moving and kicking up a storm and I am much happier feeling it all.

Overall, most of my anxiety over the baby and becoming a mother has subsided for the most part. Eric has been a huge part of my calming down process. He has been so cool this whole time. I know he’s excited and probably going through his own set of worries, but he allows me to freak out a little and then brings me back to earth. Also, I think he is the one that is actually doing the nesting. Eric has always done 80-85% of the household cleaning. In the last month of my pregnancy he has bumped that up to almost 100%. He has been an absolute dream. He also deals so well with my daily complaining now that so many things hurt all the time. He massages my back and feet, most of the time without having to be asked to do so. And he is very patient. I don’t know how I would have survived the last week without him being there. I’m not trying to get too gushy, but he really has been a rock and I want to acknowledge just how wonderful he has been. I know that I’m going to be fine and the baby is going to be fine because he is there for us and that makes me very calm inside.

There isn’t much to talk about this week, so let’s get to the fun stuff. The baby’s senses are continuing to develop. If I talk to the baby it can hear me. Its whole world is full of sounds now. It can hear my stomach growling, my lungs breathing and my heart beating. The baby’s skin has turned from red to pink and it has started preparing for life outside the womb by storing iron in its liver. The baby stretches to about 12 inches from crown to rump and it weighs in at about 4 ½ pounds. If it continues to grow at this rate I will have an 8 pound baby. We’ll see what happens. I’m hoping for something in the 6 pound range! Below are the weekly renderings.

Week 33

I really, really, really think this baby is a boy. I can’t tell you why, it’s just a recent development for me. Like our politicians, I have been flip-flopping on what gender this baby is. However, now I have a strong feeling that it’s a boy. And although I really don’t care what this baby turns out to be, there is a part of me that wanted a girl. I know girls. I have so many girls in my family. I feel equipped to deal with a girl. A boy scares me a little, but they are terribly adorable as well. And then they grown into wonderful men (like my husband). I would be very proud to raise a little boy that closely resembles his father in temperament, kindness and humor.

But who knows. This baby could still be a girl. I would be shocked, but it could be.

Eric and I had another doctor’s appointment yesterday and the heartbeat has slowed down dramatically to the 120/bpm range. Eric just smiles every time the heartbeats get slower. Supposedly (according to an old wives tale) a slower heartbeat is a clue for having a boy. I think he’s as nervous about having a girl as I am about having a boy. He’s now getting more excited thinking that it’s a boy. There was a period of time a couple of months ago when the heartbeats were in the 150/bpm range that Eric thought it may be a girl. I know that made him a little apprehensive. But when we left yesterday he had a smile on his face. I think he likes the idea that if our baby is a boy then he will have a little boy cousin to pal around with too. Even though our nephew Julian will be 1½ years older then our baby they are still close in age and we hope they will grow up to be close friends. Eric never had any cousins close to his age. His brother is 7 ½ years younger then he is and his cousin is 9 years younger. Because I was lucky enough to have so many cousins and siblings close to my age there was always someone to play with, talk to, etc. I want that for my baby and my future babies. I want them to have someone their age to share anything they want with. It’s a special bond between siblings and cousins. And if my family begins with 2 young little boys playing around and having fun then I really couldn’t be happier. I really hope Julian and this baby have so much fun growing up together. I’m very excited to see what the future will bring.

So I have gained 19 pounds as of yesterday. Right on schedule and doing fine. I have 57 days until the official due date, but then again that’s at best a guess. I could have this baby on Christa’s birthday (12/12) and it would still be considered on time. Anywhere from 2 weeks before the date to two weeks after is normal. It’s a birth month approximation, not a due date. I think I will be highly disappointed if I don’t have this baby until mid December. I’m already tired and in some type of pain most days. Bedtime is my favorite time of day. I can’t wait to go to bed with my big body pillow. I don’t want to do much else once I get home. My back is tired, my feet are tired and my belly is tired. I can’t imagine going through another 7 weeks+ feeling this way and getting bigger but I am also not the only pregnant woman that feels this way 32 weeks in. I feel fine, I’m in good spirits, I’m just pregnant.

So here is the fun info. The baby is head down now. It’s been that way for a few weeks, but I guess the baby has settled. So hopefully he/she will stay there! The baby also has a daily routine. There are definite times during the day where the baby is active and times when I believe it is sleeping. According to some, once the baby is born it’ll most likely continue with its in-utero pattern. Along with its routine, the baby has favorite positions. Right now the baby is more on my left side, and it has been that way for quite a while. The baby weighs about 4 pounds and stretches to over 11 ½ inches in length from crown to rump. Below you will find the weekly renderings.

Week 32

The official start of my 8th month!

I am 64 days away from my 11/29 due date. I can’t believe I can say 8 months pregnant. It almost feels like a confession that I don’t want to make. There are people that come up to me and ask how far along I am; I proudly state the facts, and then I feel like I’ve entered an interrogation room. Am I prepared, do I have the baby’s room finished, am I going back to work, why am I going to try to go natural when there are so many good drugs out there?, etc. I don’t mind answering these questions to my friends and family. They all care and are really interested in my response. I’m talking about the acquaintances and sometimes strangers that are all of a sudden terribly interested in what is going on with my body just so they can tell me their horror stories. I understand that having a baby is a very exciting time for a lot of people in my social circle, but these people barely register anywhere within said circle. And I don’t want to hear anything negative. It’s bad enough that I have a very active imagination. It’s as if they want to hear my response solely for the purpose of telling me how awful their pregnancy/birth was. These situations are partially my fault as well. I answer their questions honestly, and I try not to be rude so I am actually enabling these people to annoy me! Oh well. Only 2 months to go.

Only 2 months to go. That seems incredible to me. There are times I can forget that I am pregnant. There are times that I don’t feel like my life is in flux and that everything is exactly the same as it was a year ago. But then it doesn’t take long before I am either poked in the ribs or have to go to the bathroom, again, or have so other pregnancy related revelation. As I’ve stated before in these updates, I am not at all nervous about the next 2 months, or even the birth. I am so nervous about being a mom. So I’ve tried to condition myself to take just one step at a time and to enjoy each moment as I am experiencing it. This is new for me as I am always trying to plan for and anticipate things that have not (and most likely) will not occur. I wouldn’t say that I am a worrier (some of you may disagree) but I am an analyzer and planner. There are many things that I have to plan for; day care, finding a pediatrician, college, etc. but, most of the things that I worry about can be dealt with in the moment. As long as I remember that I’ll be ok. J

It’s funny, because I write these little updates to keep all of you involved during my pregnancy, but it also serves as a little pep talk for myself as well. It gives me a few minutes to look at my current situation without all of the daily interference of life.

This week Eric and I went to our first birthing class. It was good. I think Eric enjoyed it as well. I am the first one due in the class. It made me feel like I had procrastinated in scheduling the class, but there really wasn’t a class I could take that was any earlier. And this class has a waiting list for 2 other couples, so I am glad that we were able to get in. The woman that runs the class seems very nice. She used the Bradley Method of birthing for her 3 children and strongly believes that in most cases natural childbirth is the way to go. This obviously is not for everyone, but she definitely made me feel more confident that a natural childbirth doesn’t have to be the hellish depiction that you see on tv or hear from your friends. And one thing she said that I also truly believe is that fear and not knowing what to expect can make the experience exactly what you most fear it can be. The more informed and the more accepting you are of the situation the more prepared you are to deal with what is at hand. I think this is true for life and will also be true for having a baby. Now, I could be completely talking out of my behind having not done this before. I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough. Another thing she did was lead us through a guided relaxation technique. My mom taught us how to do this when we were very young, so I’ve been able to get to a supreme relaxed state for most of my life. (Thanks mom!) When she started the exercise I was ready to take a nap within 20 seconds. It was bliss. Now I know when I am actually doing this technique during the birth of this baby it may be slightly more difficult to get relaxed, nonetheless I think it will be hugely helpful.

Now for the good stuff: the baby’s lungs are continuing to mature. As they become more developed the chances of survival if born prematurely increases dramatically. The skin, which has been wrinkled, will now become pink and smooth as fat cells fill out the body. The baby also knows my voice by now. And its fingernails have grown in, so they may need to be cut by the time it’s born. The baby weighs about 3½ pounds and stretches to about 11.2 inches from crown to rump. Below are the weekly renderings.

Week 31

This week has been fun. The baby moves all the time, I feel pretty good and everything is going well. I’m so glad that I get to report once a week that everything is on schedule and that everything is fine. I probably wouldn’t enjoy writing this if there was something negative to report. Even if I personally waffle and have concerns none of that affects the baby. He/she is doing very well.

We’re going to start the fall season this weekend. I love the fall. The weather gets a little cooler, the leaves begin to change color and the world becomes crisp. For me there always seems to be a little more clarity with this season. The haze of the summer is gone and you are not yet distracted by the bitterness of winter. I am very excited to have my first child in this season. Well, let’s be honest, I would be excited to have this baby during any season, but the fall is special for me. It reminds me of school and family; there was always a lot of anticipation for the holidays. I have so many positive memories of this season during my life and now I am looking forward to a truly new moment to begin. My life will never be the same. A little while ago, that seemed like a terribly daunting prospect. Today it feels refreshing. Today I am in awe of my new upcoming role. Today I am very pleased with my little spot in the world.

Today, I am also really looking forward to maternity leave! It almost feels like waiting for summer vacation to come when you are in school. Essentially, it’s April for me in my senior year of high school. I know what I have to do, but I can barely concentrate on the task at hand. And how much does my participation really matter at this point? The stock market/bond market has had its most volatile week in the 12 years that I have been doing this and there is nothing I can do to control it. I can help facilitate my customers’ trades but I have no idea how to really advise them under the current conditions. I don’t think anyone really does. My daily calls to my accounts have flip-flopped all week. I wish I had more insightful things to say about the current economic crisis but it is all a blur right now. There are so many moving parts to this thing right now that I’m suffering from economic whip-lash. I think I need a few maternity months to recover. J

Eric and I had a Dr.’s appointment yesterday. I have gained 18 pounds so far. I really have gained 17 ½ pounds, but I am trying to embrace the numbers as they get bigger, so I am rounding up. However, it has to be quite obvious to you that I am not completely comfortable with this if I am writing this little caveat. So, to you my lovely friends and family, I am sharing my unease with the weight numbers, but to everyone else I will put on a brave face and just round up. Let’s face it; I really haven’t hid anything else from you along this funny pregnancy journey. But 18 pound is right in line with what I should weigh now. They say you should gain between 25 and 35 pounds and from this point forward I should be gaining about 1 pound per week. So I should end up in the +25-30 pound weight category.

Now back to baby info. The baby should weigh around 3 pounds now and it measures approximately 11 inches from crown to rump. It can move its head, open its eyes and make breathing movements through its open nostrils although no air comes in. This baby also moves all the time. I love it and I think I’ll miss it a little once the baby is born. But then I’ll have the baby, so I probably won’t mind that much! Below are the weekly renderings.

Week 30

I think I have officially reached the stage where I am just about done being pregnant. My belly has changed so much in the last few days that I actually find it shocking. I had a belly button in Hawaii. And although it is still there a little bit, it is getting flatter by the hour. I can’t believe the speed in which my belly is changing. Now, I know that I have been pregnant for 30 weeks and it’s been changing the entire time, but this last week has seen some major changes. It is so much harder to the touch, it feels as if it can’t get any bigger, and I just feel huge. Even Eric said “Jeez Des, your belly is big”. To which I said it was not and to leave me alone! For some reason when he comments on my stomach I take it very personally. I know logically that he is only reacting to my belly but I can’t help hearing “fat, fat, fat”. I know I am not fat. In fact I was able to get my own jeans over my butt this week and wear them into work. Now they were unbuttoned and held together by a hair band, but they were on and looked good. And I felt good because they still “fit”.

I have also noticed some major changes in my breathing. It is much more labored and I am much slower when I walk. I can not walk and talk easily anymore. Shoot, I can’t sit and talk easily either. This can be very frustrating. Again, I know I have to be logical about this whole experience and recognize my new limitations but that doesn’t mean I have to like them. I really want my old body back. I want to be able to bend at the waist. I want to not let out an audible sigh or loud breath when I have to get out of bed, off the couch, pick up something from the floor, etc. It is getting a little ridiculous and to be honest, I do not have a sense of humor about it all.

But not everything is so gloomy. I do really love being pregnant at the same time. When I am able to look at my body with some perspective I really like how I look. I still love feeling the baby move. I think I must look silly with my hands on my stomach all the time but I just don’t want to miss a moment of possible movement inside or out. I’m still freaked out that in 10 weeks (maybe more, maybe less) I’m going to have a little baby that is all my own and is all my responsibility. I have not reconciled in my head how that works. My sisters never liked it when I tried to mother them. They still don’t like it when I do it. What happens if this kid feels like my sisters and what if I feel the same hurt and disappointment when I am rejected? Inevitably this will happen, but will it feel the same? Will it hurt more because this is my child? I am very nervous about that possibility. I suspect that the highs and lows will be more volatile and shocking then I can fathom at this point. But my own trepidation does not outweigh my excitement.

So far I have gained 14½ pounds, 5 pounds this last month! I am pleased with this so far. I feel so much larger. Carrying around an extra 15 pounds is a lot harder then I expected. It is all in front so my lower back is struggling to compensate for the weight, so it usually hurts a little by the end of the day. Eric has been very sweet. He rubs my back and feet if I’m a little uncomfortable. He’s been watching me like a hawk when it comes to me bending down and picking things up too. We were food shopping the other day (the 2nd time he has come with me since we starting living together 4 years ago) and yelled at me every time I went to grab something from the bottom shelf. It was cute and annoying at the same time. He wasn’t annoying, but realizing my limitations can be.

So here’s the important data. 78 days to go. The baby weighs about 2 pounds 12 oz and is about 10½ inches from crown to rump. It’s adding fat to insulate the body. It can take breaths now but obviously won’t breathe air until delivery. The baby’s growth has started to slow down now, but it will still gain approximately four pounds between now and the birth. Below are this weeks renderings.

Week 29

Last week Eric and I went to Hawaii for a last vacation hurrah before there are three of us. We had a wonderful time and it was nice to just get away and relax. We’ve both been so busy as of late that getting away seemed like the only way to actually have more then a 2 minute conversation that didn’t revolve around work, baby or the house. And we were so happy to meet up with my cousin that lives in Oahu. I haven’t seen Megan in forever and it was nice to have dinner with her while we were away. So all in all it was a great trip and I would highly recommend Hawaii to anyone that has never been there. It can be expensive, but there are definite ways to pinch a penny and still make it a glorious vacation.

Now back to baby news. Tomorrow I have my last monthly Doctors appointment. Now that I am 7 months along I will see the Dr. every 2 weeks. Tomorrow I will also have my glucose test to determine if I have gestational diabetes. I believe everything will come back normal, but between 4-7% of pregnant women develop this condition, which makes it the most widespread of all pregnancy ailments. However most of the time it is the easiest to control. Making good food choices and light exercise can help control your insulin production and keep the diabetes at bay. That’s good advice for everyone, pregnant or not, but something that I have been paying more attention to since I became pregnant.

I’ve been feeling really great recently. The heartburn is still out of this world horrible, but other then that I think everything is going very well. I still have slight swelling at the end of the night and I get tired rather quickly at times, but nothing I can’t control with some preplanning of my day. So there really isn’t much new to report, which I believe is a good thing. The only thing that I seem to be constantly experiencing is a little anxiety about becoming a mom. I think this is normal too, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t unsettling at times. I had a dream last night that I had twin girls that aged 13 years within seconds. This was completely normal to me. They had long hair and were very sweet. I told them because they were old enough they could choose which name they wanted of the ones that Eric and I picked. They chose and then I couldn’t remember the one girl’s names. I know it began with an A and I felt bad because I kept asking her what her name was. And she couldn’t remember either. I felt like an awful mom because I didn’t know them at all and then I couldn’t remember one of their names. This was not a good dream and I know it has to do with the stress I am feeling about this huge impending change.

But I am in my last trimester, so we only have a little while to go. I can’t believe I’m in the last leg of this pregnancy. I think I still am carrying tiny, which I am pleased about. Everyone seems to want me to be bigger then I am. But as long as the midwife says that I’m fine I’m not going to worry about it at all. I’ll talk to you all next week. There is only 1 pregnancy rendering this week.

Week 27

Hello again. I am now in my 27th week. Everything is still going well. The baby is moving like crazy and is constantly busy. I am excited about meeting this little one that is so active. Eric and I are doing a little remodeling of our downstairs in preparation for the baby. We had no real seating in our living room, so we just bought a sectional. And our TV console is a glorified wooden coffee table with wires all over the place. Obviously that is not good for a baby, so we bought a real TV console where were can hide all of the wires. Everything was delivered today and Eric set it all up and loves it. I can’t wait to see it when I get home this evening. Tomorrow my boss is kindly giving AND delivering to us the dresser that his daughter used when she was a baby, so that is one less thing that we will have to pick up. So, thank you Steve! J

All in all it was an uneventful pregnancy week. I still struggle with the idea of working after the baby is born. My mother was home with us while we were growing up and I believe that was one of the strongest influences in my life. There really is no substitute for having one on one daily contact with your child and the idea of sending my child to day care does not appeal to me in the least bit. However, losing my home appeals to me even less, so it’s off to work I go. I know there are great day cares out there, I am just very nervous about the entire thing. Thankfully we won’t have to put the baby in day care for the 1st 5 months or so. I am very happy about that.

Eric and I leave for Hawaii on Wednesday! We are so excited. We both need a break from the daily grind that is our lives at the moment. I am really looking forward to relaxing and getting some beach time. I am also lucky enough to have a cousin that lives on Oahu, so we will be able to see her as well! I have 2 ½ work days left but it feels like it’s going to last a month. So next Friday I will not be sending out an update as I hope to be enjoying the Hawaiian scenery.

This week the baby begins to open its eyes for the first time. The body may look fully formed on the outside but inside there is a lot of fine tuning happening. The lungs and brain apparently are the main focus. The baby’s weight is around 2 pounds and its length is about 9 inches from crown to rump. Below you will see this weeks rendering of mother and baby.

Week 26

Everything is going well and the belly is growing quickly. I have to say I am beginning to really like looking pregnant. I have been enjoying the pregnancy in other ways up until now. I love my hair (thank you pregnancy hormones for 1 nice thing), I love feeling the baby move, I love the guessing game that growing belly has started and I love that everyone is so excited about the new baby. But I wasn’t sure how I would feel about the belly on me. I know I have so much further to go and grow, but at this moment, right now, I love my belly. It’s round and firm; my chest balances it out (which is something I could never say before) and I feel very womanly.

I don’t know how else to explain it. I think if having a baby is something you want and choose to do then the experience is the absolute epitome of being a woman. Life is coming full circle. And the whole 6 ½ month experience I have had so far has been amazing. And I am not writing all of this to say that pregnancy is the end all be all of experiences, but it is unlike anything else I have ever done. It’s rather incredible to think that this baby was once 2 cells and is now nearly complete. My body knew instinctively what to do. My body is nurturing and protecting this baby before I can knowingly do any of the work. It’s not as if I can look into my uterus and say, “Ok nervous system, it’s time to start building your circuits.” I have to trust in my body to do all of the work. And I have to trust that this baby already knows what to do too. I don’t want to be too cavalier, but How Cool is That!

However, some things are not so cool. Swelling feet, the fatigue that is starting to crawl its way back into my into my daily routine, my breathing that has become more shallow, my ego that takes a beating every time I realize I can’t or shouldn’t do something, the constant heartburn, and a million other small things that have changed. My personal outlook on life has changed too. Not too dramatically. I’m not becoming a Republican or anything. But the realization that I will never come home after work and be by myself. I love the little quiet moments in my life. I’ve learned to cherish them and enjoy just sitting on my own. I’ve built my life so that I am very comfortable. I’ve worked very hard at it. Eric and I are very happy as we are right now. A baby is going to change that. I am looking forward to the change. I can not wait until this little baby arrives, but I think there is a bit of a mourning process that I am going to experience.

And I could be wrong about what I am about to state, but I believe it is true for me. If I had had a baby between 20-25 years old I don’t think I’d be as nervous about the change. I wouldn’t know what I would be missing or temporarily giving up. I think I wouldn’t know the difference. I think I would have accepted this major life change a little easier, with maybe the longing for what might have been. But I believe I know what might have been at this point in my life. I feel as if I have really come into my own in the last 5 years. I enjoy the woman I’ve become, and although I will still be me I will have to change with this baby too. I have to figure out what it means to me to be a mother, wife and woman and still feel fulfilled within each challenge. And right now, that means a lot of baby steps for me too. J

So what is to come in the next week? Well, the baby weighs about 1 ½ pounds and is about 9 inches from crown to rump. The lungs are developing rapidly, the nostrils are open and although s/he may need a little help, everything is there and ready to go in order to breathe. And apparently the baby can wiggle fingers and toes. How cute it that?! I have 106 days to go and counting. Below is the weekly picture rendering.

Week 25

I am in my 25th week and my belly is in full bloom. Everything is still going well which of course means there really isn’t much to report. Eric and I went for our monthly checkup on Monday and everything is right on schedule. The heartbeat moved from the 155 bpm to 140 something bpm in the month which I thought was a big move but the midwife said that because the baby has grown so much in the last month it is normal for the heartbeat to slow down. I think Eric was secretly very pleased because of the old wives tale that states the slower the heartbeat the more likely it is to be a boy. We mentioned that to the midwife and she said that it really is 50/50 right now whether it’s a boy or a girl, but if it were the last month the odds would probably be 60/40 a boy. However, she did mention that she has delivered plenty of girls with lower heartbeats and plenty of boys with fast ones. So, everything is still up in the air.

My belly has definitely popped (at least to me) in the last week. I’m still not big and it still doesn’t look like a nice round pregnant belly, but it is there and it is not going away. I’ve tried to suck my stomach in just to see what would happen. Nothing moves. It is solid and it just sits there. I think that’s kind of cool. I have no control on what my belly does. It is its own entity now, which this far along in the pregnancy makes complete sense. Eric and I were watching my belly move the other day. I love it when it jerks when the baby kicks. It’s pretty cool to watch.

I have to say that I am very excited to have my sister Janice back in town for a long weekend. I haven’t seen her in almost a year and I really wanted her to see me while I’m pregnant. She felt the baby kick yesterday so that was a lot of fun for us. It’s nice that she gets to enjoy some Aunt time with her niece/nephew, even if it’s still belly bound.

Also, Eric and I just booked a trip to Hawaii for the end of the month! I am so excited. We are heading to Oahu and Maui for 7 days. It will be nice to have a little getaway before the baby is born. As much as I would like to believe that we will still be able to travel when the baby is born, the truth is we will probably be house bound for a little while. So it should be very nice to have this last hurrah. I’ll be 7 months pregnant in Hawaii. I’m going to look killer in a bikini!

Week 19

This is how I am supposed to look this week. I’ve only gained 2 pounds so far into this pregnancy so this woman’s stomach is a little larger than mine. I think I tend to show more in the evening then I do during the day. I think my muscles get tired and therefore don’t hold me in as much in the evening. Who knows? I am in my 19th week, but I am 18.71 weeks pregnant if you can figure that one out. I am about a week away from beginning my 6th month. Crazy! I can’t believe I am just about halfway through.

Week 18

Although my belly doesn’t look this big yet, this is how I guess everything should be positioned.

Week 17

Here is how the baby and I look this week.

Week 16

According to Babyzone.com this is how I look with 184 days to go!