Week 26

Everything is going well and the belly is growing quickly. I have to say I am beginning to really like looking pregnant. I have been enjoying the pregnancy in other ways up until now. I love my hair (thank you pregnancy hormones for 1 nice thing), I love feeling the baby move, I love the guessing game that growing belly has started and I love that everyone is so excited about the new baby. But I wasn’t sure how I would feel about the belly on me. I know I have so much further to go and grow, but at this moment, right now, I love my belly. It’s round and firm; my chest balances it out (which is something I could never say before) and I feel very womanly.

I don’t know how else to explain it. I think if having a baby is something you want and choose to do then the experience is the absolute epitome of being a woman. Life is coming full circle. And the whole 6 ½ month experience I have had so far has been amazing. And I am not writing all of this to say that pregnancy is the end all be all of experiences, but it is unlike anything else I have ever done. It’s rather incredible to think that this baby was once 2 cells and is now nearly complete. My body knew instinctively what to do. My body is nurturing and protecting this baby before I can knowingly do any of the work. It’s not as if I can look into my uterus and say, “Ok nervous system, it’s time to start building your circuits.” I have to trust in my body to do all of the work. And I have to trust that this baby already knows what to do too. I don’t want to be too cavalier, but How Cool is That!

However, some things are not so cool. Swelling feet, the fatigue that is starting to crawl its way back into my into my daily routine, my breathing that has become more shallow, my ego that takes a beating every time I realize I can’t or shouldn’t do something, the constant heartburn, and a million other small things that have changed. My personal outlook on life has changed too. Not too dramatically. I’m not becoming a Republican or anything. But the realization that I will never come home after work and be by myself. I love the little quiet moments in my life. I’ve learned to cherish them and enjoy just sitting on my own. I’ve built my life so that I am very comfortable. I’ve worked very hard at it. Eric and I are very happy as we are right now. A baby is going to change that. I am looking forward to the change. I can not wait until this little baby arrives, but I think there is a bit of a mourning process that I am going to experience.

And I could be wrong about what I am about to state, but I believe it is true for me. If I had had a baby between 20-25 years old I don’t think I’d be as nervous about the change. I wouldn’t know what I would be missing or temporarily giving up. I think I wouldn’t know the difference. I think I would have accepted this major life change a little easier, with maybe the longing for what might have been. But I believe I know what might have been at this point in my life. I feel as if I have really come into my own in the last 5 years. I enjoy the woman I’ve become, and although I will still be me I will have to change with this baby too. I have to figure out what it means to me to be a mother, wife and woman and still feel fulfilled within each challenge. And right now, that means a lot of baby steps for me too. J

So what is to come in the next week? Well, the baby weighs about 1 ½ pounds and is about 9 inches from crown to rump. The lungs are developing rapidly, the nostrils are open and although s/he may need a little help, everything is there and ready to go in order to breathe. And apparently the baby can wiggle fingers and toes. How cute it that?! I have 106 days to go and counting. Below is the weekly picture rendering.