Week 30

I think I have officially reached the stage where I am just about done being pregnant. My belly has changed so much in the last few days that I actually find it shocking. I had a belly button in Hawaii. And although it is still there a little bit, it is getting flatter by the hour. I can’t believe the speed in which my belly is changing. Now, I know that I have been pregnant for 30 weeks and it’s been changing the entire time, but this last week has seen some major changes. It is so much harder to the touch, it feels as if it can’t get any bigger, and I just feel huge. Even Eric said “Jeez Des, your belly is big”. To which I said it was not and to leave me alone! For some reason when he comments on my stomach I take it very personally. I know logically that he is only reacting to my belly but I can’t help hearing “fat, fat, fat”. I know I am not fat. In fact I was able to get my own jeans over my butt this week and wear them into work. Now they were unbuttoned and held together by a hair band, but they were on and looked good. And I felt good because they still “fit”.

I have also noticed some major changes in my breathing. It is much more labored and I am much slower when I walk. I can not walk and talk easily anymore. Shoot, I can’t sit and talk easily either. This can be very frustrating. Again, I know I have to be logical about this whole experience and recognize my new limitations but that doesn’t mean I have to like them. I really want my old body back. I want to be able to bend at the waist. I want to not let out an audible sigh or loud breath when I have to get out of bed, off the couch, pick up something from the floor, etc. It is getting a little ridiculous and to be honest, I do not have a sense of humor about it all.

But not everything is so gloomy. I do really love being pregnant at the same time. When I am able to look at my body with some perspective I really like how I look. I still love feeling the baby move. I think I must look silly with my hands on my stomach all the time but I just don’t want to miss a moment of possible movement inside or out. I’m still freaked out that in 10 weeks (maybe more, maybe less) I’m going to have a little baby that is all my own and is all my responsibility. I have not reconciled in my head how that works. My sisters never liked it when I tried to mother them. They still don’t like it when I do it. What happens if this kid feels like my sisters and what if I feel the same hurt and disappointment when I am rejected? Inevitably this will happen, but will it feel the same? Will it hurt more because this is my child? I am very nervous about that possibility. I suspect that the highs and lows will be more volatile and shocking then I can fathom at this point. But my own trepidation does not outweigh my excitement.

So far I have gained 14½ pounds, 5 pounds this last month! I am pleased with this so far. I feel so much larger. Carrying around an extra 15 pounds is a lot harder then I expected. It is all in front so my lower back is struggling to compensate for the weight, so it usually hurts a little by the end of the day. Eric has been very sweet. He rubs my back and feet if I’m a little uncomfortable. He’s been watching me like a hawk when it comes to me bending down and picking things up too. We were food shopping the other day (the 2nd time he has come with me since we starting living together 4 years ago) and yelled at me every time I went to grab something from the bottom shelf. It was cute and annoying at the same time. He wasn’t annoying, but realizing my limitations can be.

So here’s the important data. 78 days to go. The baby weighs about 2 pounds 12 oz and is about 10½ inches from crown to rump. It’s adding fat to insulate the body. It can take breaths now but obviously won’t breathe air until delivery. The baby’s growth has started to slow down now, but it will still gain approximately four pounds between now and the birth. Below are this weeks renderings.